I’ve never really had a girlfriend or any real relationship for that matter mainly because most of my life i’ve been extremely shy and insecure. I stuck with focusing on school and graduated high school and college. In between i’ve dated two girls a couple times each but was never really into them (long time ago).
So there’s this girl at work that’s been there for at least 6 months. I’ve worked at this place for over 6 years. This girl is really pretty, not model pretty but her blue eyes are the most beautiful thing i’ve ever seen and she’s young and a beginner in relationships like me even though i’m like 4 years older than her. She graduated high school this year, turned 18 and is now moving away to college and yesterday was her last day. I liked her from the moment I met her. She worked as a hostess (it’s a restaurant, by the way) and I’ve seen many of them come and go over the years and I got to say this one I do not want to see leaving. Like a month after she started working there, I started to talk to her, I don’t remember how it began but then one day she friend requested me on facebook. We would greet each other every time we worked together or at least I started saying hi every time until there was a time that I hadn’t seen her for a while that I acted as if we were close friends and hugged her. So since I initiated the hugging, she would hug me back. Eventually I started thinking “well, seem she feels more comfortable now, maybe is should ask her out soon.” The problem was she wasn’t 18 at the time, and even though I never necessarily had and still don’t have a sexual desire for her, there’s issues with parents and whatnot so i decided to wait until she was of age which was in june. Now the past couple of months I was thinking of how i could ask her and where to take her if she said yes, but i could not really come up with creative ideas and then when i decided just to ask her i would feel so nervous and felt i was gonna blow it. Also, since she was a hostess, everybody was always around her and I never got a chance alone with her. So i dragged it on so much telling myself “oh i’ll get a chance when i see her again” but i always chickened out.
But the worst part was a few weeks ago when I learned she was leaving for college. I knew she had graduated high school but her going off to college seemed so distant that i felt i had plenty of time. Actually the worst part was like 3 days ago on friday and saturday that I saw her. I made up my mind and was going to tell her how I felt about her. I failed both of those nights and last night was going to be her last day before leaving for college this thursday. On saturday after the failure I went home and had a breakdown. I felt so stupid for being so scared and not going after her when she walked out to her car to leave. I cried like i havent in years at the thought of not seeing her for a long time; I could not even eat right, I had some discomfort in my gut. She said she would come back during winter break but i cannot wait that long without seeing her and much less since she doesn’t know how i feel. On sunday I was off work and depressed all day just thinking about her and of how she has no idea, but i decided this was my last chance and got her a greeting card and found one that said exactly how i felt for her and wrote some other personal stuff on it. I was going to give it to her on monday, her last day, but i couldn’t get a moment with her until i got off. She was still hanging outside the restaurant but listening to music in the car with another work buddy whom she actually hangs out with and of whom i’ve never been sure if they’ve been seeing each other or what. When i step out she asks if i was leaving and i said yes, and so we hugged for the “last time” and the buddy called us “love birds” smiling, making me think that he’s probably not going out with her. With that thought in my mind I still could not say anything, not even give her the card. I drove off but then thought i could drive back and pretend i forgot to give her something and call her over from my car to get it but when i came back they had gone inside. I drove off again and then thought maybe i could stick it in her car’s windshield wiper which i immediately thought it was desperate but that i really was. Nope her car was gone, F#@$!!! I drove home and it occurred to me to message her on facebook and tell her that i had “forgotten” to give her something and if she was still at the restaurant, which i knew she was not. She didn’t see the message until 1am. I asked her if we could meet on tuesday but she said she would be extra busy with packing and family and stuff. So i told her not to worry and just let me know. I haven’t heard from her and seems like she may not be able to. i know it’s prob to late know and way too late by the time you guys read this and post it and stuff but I just need to hear advice from someone. What should i do? how should I cope with my hidden feelings? I don’t want to tell her over facebook that’s just more cowardly. Help.”
- Denny (23, Mansfield, TX)
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