Connor Asked:
“I met an amazing Woman back in February of 2010. We hit it off immediately and of course progressed our relationship at warp speed. That being said, it seemingly wasn’t a factor that things were going so fast, as we both were the same age at 33 and knew exactly what we were looking for. We also both brought our own adversity to the new relationship, she came with not being fully healed from an abusive ex, I came with the stresses of having just moved to a new province and changing careers. However, we both recognized our areas for growth and took steps individually and together to strengthen our authentic selves while strengthening our bond. Behaviours got in the way, emotions where mixed and eventually she decided we weren’t a good match for the long term. All the while, we spoke of “forever” together and were ready to move in with each other. The relationship ended back in June, and we took about 6 weeks of little or no contact to sit with our true feelings about our connection. It’s now almost mid August and we have seen each other off and on in the last 2 weeks, been intimate at those times, and speak on the phone daily again. I am told I am loved, and, in fact, I believe she is “still in love” with me, however she is determined to resist our connection based on her feelings of taking time to herself, finding herself, soul searching….so I can’t argue the one I love’s feelings, but how do I ignore the fact that she is still willing to have passionate nights with me, texts, calls, emails all with loving content, but all the while will not enable herself to even make the slightest non-verbal commitment to our connection. Is the writing on the wall here? There is so much more to our story, but the nuts and bolts are, we tell each other we love each other, she claims she’s single, we spend time together and talk daily, but she is convinced she is now on a different path…Is this a clear example of having faith in what’s meant to be will be, or do I step up and walk away? She knows how I feel, about wanting to be together and also knows she is unintentionally trying to hurt me. Bottom line, were in love and she keeps finding a way to be sure and confident, and secure, that this time, it’s for the right reasons and past behaviours don’t enter the picture, which I respect, however, the longer she keeps focusing on the past and the lack, I am worried I will have to walk-away, I want to manifest a living in the now, care-free relationship, and the road-block of our past is getting in the way? Any ideas here?”
- Connor (33)
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Not to beat a dead horse, but she has commitment problems and I would say rightfully so. Most people would say run as fast as you can, but I think you should ride it out. Don’t worry she’ll come around over time, possibly 1 year, maybe 10 depending on how scared or crazy she is. Lighten up, everyone is a little crazy just some more than others.
If its marriage she’s reluctant about then wait, what’s the rush? Go talk to married guys and they’ll agree there’s no rush. If my wife is reading this, I love you honey!
Now, I can tell you really want this to work out because if you didn’t then your question would be a fraction of what it is. So give her more time, you’re 33, if it takes a year, two, three to fix it then what’s the big deal? Time flies and when year four comes along and you’re stuck with some battle ax you’ll be regretting you didn’t give her the extra time needed.
Now if it takes more than ten years and she still won’t commit then I’m sorry I wasted your last decade. I believe there is light at the end of the tunnel. Just hopefully that’s not her ex in his pickup truck and shotgun heading right toward you. Oh come on it’s a joke, that won’t happen and don’t tell your future wife I said that. Good Luck!
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