Expert advice to get your relationships back on track
2010
Brooke Asked:“I just got out of a 2 year relationship and I am finally getting to the point to move on. My ex and I have been sleeping together for the last 6 months because I have been single. I have met this guy and we have alot of fun and I feel that it may go somewhere. Should I become exclusive with the new guy and let the old one go?”
- Brooke (22, Omaha Nebraska)
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Brooke:
You should either make up with your ex and get back with him since you are sleeping with him or break it off with him before getting involved with another guy.
This is basic professionalism and ethics for both men. If I were either guy and I found out that you are doing it with the other guy, I would break up with you.
Nothing good can come from sleeping with two different guys at the same time.
Blessings on you and yours
John Wilder
marriagecoach1.wordpress.com
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I disagree with Jason. Have as much sex as you like, safely, with either or both of them. Just don’t take it seriously. You are far too young for a serious relationship (explore the other “Ask Our Experts” posts for the reasons) but that does not mean you should not have plenty of fun.
Anthony Hernandez
http://www.theenlightenedsavage.com
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Hi Brooke,
In answer to your question, I think you should do neither! Let me explain. It’s great you have met some one new that you want to spend more time with. However, I think you should not become exclusive immediately. The main reason I recommend this is because you need to give yourself time to adjust to your new single status. More than likely this new guy in your life is your “rebound guy.”
Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to get into a serious relationship so soon. What’s the rush? You are young and have plenty of time to explore all of your romantic options. Take advantage of it!
Date different men to discover what qualities in a partner you truly desire. Then, when “the one” crosses your path, you’ll know it!
Good luck!
Terez Williamson
http://www.regainyourrelationship.com
.
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Oh, and if you have anymore questions, or you LIKED my post below, EMAIL me: JayTheAdviceMan@aol.com
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The ex boyfriend should have been let go even BEFORE the new guy came along. Sleeping with your ex that you’re trying to “move ON” from is NOT healthy, and not wise. I actually speak about this in my book (Rule #2, in case you’re interested lol) because it’s such a common issue with women. They’ll break up with a guy, yet continue to sleep with him. My question is, if he isn’t worth BEING with, why is he worthy of your vagina? He shouldn’t be.
Secondly, the LAST thing a NEW guy wants is to talk to a girl who can’t let go of her ex. Let the ex go NOW (even if it’s hard) and focus SOLELY on the NEW guy. Your EX is your ex for a REASON. So why are you still focusing on him? That’s the PAST. Don’t go BACKWARD, go FORWARD.
Imagine trying to walk to the top of an escalator while it’s going DOWN. It’s gonna take you THREE TIMES as long to get to the TOP. Well, the same is true with ex boyfriends and such. If you keep any type of hold, sex, or communication there, it’s gonna take three times as long before you move on, and are fully able to focus on a new (and better) man. Don’t blow it by messing with your ex.
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Dear Brooke,
Maybe you should, maybe you shouldn’t. The question isn’t for us to answer, but for you.
I would advise against “becoming exclusive” unilaterally. Exclusive relationships require discussion and agreement, not assumption and expectation. Talk to both guys, and be completely honest with both of them. There’s a chance no one, including you, really wants to be exclusive with anyone. Exclusivity isn’t required for a relationship to go “somewhere.”
Of course you should be practicing safer sex practices with barrier methods of birth control, and it’s never a bad idea to have a back-up method such as the Pill. As nothing is 100% effective, you should also have Plan B on hand at all times.
Sincerely,
Suzanne White Montiel
SF Sex and Relationships Examiner
http://www.examiner.com/x-14163-SF-Sex-and-Relationships-Examiner
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Kypris Aster Drake, M.S., M.A.
Specialty: Sex, Book Author
Location: CA, U.S
Posts by Kypris Aster Drake, M.S., M.A.
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Dear Brooke,
It’s a law of physics that two things can’t occupy the same space at the same time. You can’t have a meaningful relationship with any guy while you’re having a half-hearted sort of relationship with two guys. If all you’re interested in is sex (and that’s okay), then keep doing what you’re doing. But if you want a meaningful relationship with one of these guys, you need to be 100% focused on him. So, decide what you want and then act accordingly.
Best,
Shela Dean
Relationship Coach, Speaker & Bestselling Author
http://www.ShelaDean.com
http://www.FrequentForeplayMiles.com
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