Gene Asked:
“My wife and i have been married for 21 years. She told me she still loves me but is not as much in love with me as she used to be. Now she has started talking on her cell phone and texting a few guys, she says they are friends only and swears on our kids lives there is nothing to worry about. She went back to her home town last weekend and went out two times with an old girfriend from high school without telling me anything about it. When i am around her i feel strange, I feel like she is hard to talk to. We have talked about divorce. She tells me i can leave if i want to, she wont try to stop me. When i ask her if she wants me to leave she gets upset and tells me she would tell me if she wanted me to leave, She said she wasnt scared to let me to leave if she wanted to. she says she doesn’t know what she wants. I love her with all of my heart and i want it to work. She says it will take time. I didnt show her much attention during our time together and she lost a lot of weight. She said since she lost the wieght guys tell her how good she looks and i never told her anything. I also have a felling she may be cheating on me. I try to talk to her about us but she always gets mad. She said she was going to make an appointment to a marrage counsler because she owes it to me and the kids to try. When i ask her if she is going for her to and she doesn’t answer, Then she said if she didnt care she wouldnt go. I dont know what to do but i feel that it is over and she is getting her ducks in a row getting bills paid to leave me.”
- Gene (46)
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One of the hardest things to do, emotionally, is to let a woman go, that you’re still much in love with. ESPECIALLY when SHE’S the one who has stopped CARING. Unfortunately, sometimes that is EXACTLY what you have to do, as holding ON (when SHE DOESN’T wanna hold on) will only hurt you MORE in the LONG run.
I know you have a slight HOPE that she cares, simply by her not coming out and SAYING that she doesn’t want you to leave, but let’s look at the facts.
1: Is SHE all torn up about these problems like YOU are? No.
2: Is she trying to work things out for HER as WELL as you? No. It’s for you and the kids. NOT her.
3: Would she even TRY to stop you from leaving if you wanted? No!
What does that tell you? It tells ME that she’s OVER it, man.
It could be that you weren’t much of a husband back in the day, it could be that she just got bored with the marriage, or it could be that other things and other PEOPLE have piqued her INTEREST. Either way, she doesn’t want to really WORK at this anymore, Gene. That’s the AWFUL bottom line.
Now, if you LOVE her, maybe you CAN take some of Anthony’s advice. Tell her you are willing to make some arrangement, where she (and you as well, if you WANT) can do whatever she wants, with WHOMEVER she wants, as long as you two can stay married. Let her get the stimulation she needs elsewhere, while you still get to call her your wife. Otherwise, you can let this go and try to find ANOTHER woman to be with, that is more to your LIKING. Good luck.
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