Matthew Asked:

“Hello my name is Matthew and I am 20 year old student. I meet this girl Nikita last year in the halls I now live in, she lives just above me. We had a love hate kind of friendship and would often tease each other a lot sometime a bit too much I must admit. And then last december from out of the blue she said that she liked me very much, and I felt very flattered. Things seemed to progress a bit more to the point that we spent a lot of time together. And then suddenly on December night we got very intimate. And since she is of Indian background their culture has certain norms. Like arranged marriage, no sex before marriage etc. etc. You guys probably know the drill. Then came christmas break and we did not see each other, and when second term started.

Somehow things just picked up. We ended up sleeping beside each other every night and continue to do so. We spend almost an unhealthy amount of time together. We do everything together. I have to admit I like it and I know she does too. Of course there have been some rough fights but I reckon that is part of entering a new stage and acclimatizing.

My feelings started to grow more and more and she was trying to suppress her feelings because of her background and that her father would never accept me. And at Valentine’s day I showed by planning a fun and romantic day and of course at the end of the day I told her that I truly loved her and she was breath-taken and literally speechless.

Then things took a U-turn and she said that she doesn’t want anything with me and naturally I got rather hurt since we had literally been living together for some time now. And I asked why and what her reasons where and she said because “we can never be, my family will never accept you” (the reason for that, I would discover is that her father is suffering from kidney cancer and she does not want to disappoint him, she feels that she never gave enough to her mother and does not want to feel that same about her father when he passes away). And she valued me a lot and asked if we could just be friends? And I said no, I do not want to be on the sidelines. So you will have to make a choice. It was a very emotional night. I told her this and then left her room to sleep in mine. 5 minutes later she found herself in my room with her arms around me completely in tears.

Sorry for the long background information, but my situation is rather complicated.

This relationship I have with her is in the grey zone it feels like. I am ok with the public not know about us and I understand her reasons, or rather I accept them. But sometimes she says “we are just friends” which in that case would be friends with benefits. And I told her I dont want friends with benefits I want us to be us and we will take things as they come. And then she’d say that she never wants to lose me and that she wants me part of her life for ever (rather immature talk, I think?).

So my question is should I stick with her or should I move on?

Thanks a million!”

- Matthew (20)

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