Expert advice to get your relationships back on track
2009
Anonymous Asked:“What do you say when a woman asks you to make love to her when your not in love with her? In text content. Do you make it clear it’s not love? We have been friends for a while and I keep saying I don’t want a relationship but sex is good.”
- Anonymous (41, Male)
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I would be completely honest with her. In a tactful way, i would simply imply that you value your friendship with her but it is more of friend based relationship as oppose to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. You don’t want to decieve her and start saying you love her during intimacy. Becausee if you do, your going to have to keep it up. And thats not being mature about the situation. Tell her how you feel and hopefully she will understand. Good Luck!
Dear Anonymous:
Women use the euphemism of making love for wanting sex. She very well may be just using you for sex as well, but few women want to admit to that. As long as you have made your feelings known, then you have no worries so just relax and enjoy the sex instead of complicating it.
It seems like you are both not even trying to communicate your feelings? A friend of mine always says to people she dates…”Are you in it for a good time or a long time?” This is definitely something you both have to figure out! Though it can be easy enough to enjoy the sexual act, you will never know what your partner is building in his or her head without communication! If what you have is a friendship with benefits, then it is understood? But I can tell you most times these things never end easily and often create more problems then expected! Communicating through text’s is not clear communication…if I were you I would walk away before someone gets hurt…if you don’t love her then why sleep with her? It’s not like there is a shortage of women out there looking for potential mates or partners!
good luck
Gina Landeau
Hello Ms Heartbreak, I’ve been expecting you!
Dear Anonymous,
Some people use the term “make love” for all forms of sex, so you should first figure out if she means for you to be in a loving relationship with her that involves sex, or if she simply wants to have sex with you. You have to ask her, not us.
If you make it clear that in general you are not looking for a relationship but that you enjoy sex outside of a relationship setting, then it would seem that she knows where you stand. On the other hand, she may think that because you are friends that she would be an exception to this personal “rule” of yours.
Finally, communicating via text is flawed in many ways including allowing for an abundance of misinterpretation.
TALK to her. Make it clear that you value her as a friend – only if you do – and that you would also value sex with her – only if you would – but that you don’t want any more relationship-wise than friendship. Friends-with-benefits situations can work, but only if there is communication and honesty.
Sincerely,
Suzanne White Montiel
SF Sex and Relationships Examiner
http://www.examiner.com/x-14163-SF-Sex-and-Relationships-Examiner
If you have made your feelings clear to her and she can’t or won’t get it, then only honest thing to do is to stop seeing her.
Anthony Hernandez
http://www.theenlightenedsavage.com
Gina Landeau
Specialty: Writer, Lesbian Dating and Relationships,
Location: FL, U.S.
Posts by Gina Landeau
Dear Anonomyous Male,
My opinion…don’t do it. Don’t make love to her, have sex with her, or have any sexual relationship with her.
1. She’s your friend and you will no longer be friends after sex because…
2. Women tend to become emotionally attached after being physical.
You don’t love her, all you want is sex, and you two are already friends? Recipe for disaster.
Stay platonic.
Kim Hess Divorce Guru
http://www.KimHess.com