Marvin Asked:
“I moved in to this lovely home as a room mate, The owner fell in love with me the very first night I came to see the place, we hung out a few times, then it developed up to a point where we were inseparable. he had a partner while we where seeing each other, he said whatever happens happens, i made him so happy he knows that he had found his match, one night me and my lover and his official partner all when out to meet their friends birthday party that led to finish in a club. Well while I was probably out and about his partner confronted him and admitted the truth that him and I as in a relationship. so all of this spilled out while I was gone. Here’s the dilemma, now that he is finally free, he had some thoughts about us, first of all his 9 yr relationship with his partner is like this; never lived together, never shows affection to my lover, and they rarely have sex or some intimate relationship. Now he wants to be alone for a while to balance himself out, It hurts me to see him like this that I can’t help him at all but to be quite and back off, How can I be balance when I see him this way, it kills me in side and I don’t know what to do, I can’t sleep at night when he is not beside me, I cry my self to sleep, I am uneasy most of the day because he used to send me messages every morning, now that is gone, is he going to heal sometime and not ignore me anymore, should I just leave him alone and be on my merry way, and know that I let this one go please help I am in pain so much pain my heart hurts so bad every time I think about it.”
- Marvin (Male, 32, San Diego)
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Dear Marvin,
Seems as though you’ve gotten yourself into a complicated pickle. So complicated I’m having trouble following.
What I think has happened is that your landlord was also your lover, only his partner wasn’t too keen on it, and you also have another lover, who may or may not be cool with your relationship with your landlord/lover. And you, your lover, and the landlord/lover are all three having relations. It doesn’t matter.
Marvin, sugar, you are too old to be behaving like – and communicating as – a child.
Your landlord/lover has made it clear (if I read correctly) that he needs some time being single after a long relationship where he was expected to be monogamous but was not. He needs time to determine for himself what kind of person he wants to be in a relationship and in what kinds of relationships he wants to be.
Move on and let him come to you, being aware that he may not.
Sincerely,
Suzanne White Montiel
SF Sex and Relationships Examiner
http://www.examiner.com/x-14163-SF-Sex-and-Relationships-Examiner
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