Expert advice to get your relationships back on track
2010
CHRISTINE Asked:“MY DAUGHTER’S BOYFRIEND KEEPS ON BREAKING UP WITH HER. EVERY YEAR THEY HAVE BEEN TOGETHER 3 YEARS THEN SAYS SORRY AND THEY BACK TOGETHER. SHE LOVES HIM A LOT, BUT I’M NOT SO SURE IF HE DOES. THEY HAVE LOTS OF UPSET WHICH START BY HIM. IF HE LOVES HER HOW CAN HE DO THIS EVRY YEAR AND WHY? THEY ARE BOTH 19.”
- CHRISTINE (61, London)
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Dear Christine,
Your daughter, though young, is an adult. Hopefully she will eventually learn that she doesn’t need to put up with someone who doesn’t treat her with respect.
Other than being a supportive parent, there is nothing you can do to “make” her break up with her boyfriend for good. Telling her to do so may spark your daughter’s rebellious streak and cause her to stay with him even longer.
Tell her once that you don’t think she should be treated so poorly and that you are there for her. That’s it. That’s all you can do.
Sincerely,
Suzanne White Montiel
SF Sex and Relationships Examiner
http://www.examiner.com/x-14163-SF-Sex-and-Relationships-Examiner
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Christine, seriously, you ought to know better by now. Having been a young woman yourself once, you should know all about the perils and pitfalls of two young people overcome by hormones and hopelessly confused by the fact that some members of our society try to legislate morality by threatening eternal damnation. You should also know that they are far too young and have far too little experience as actual adults to have the slightest clue how to have a decent relationship. And, you of all people should know whether any of your own relationships modeled the behavior you see her engaging in.
Read my many posts on the topic of young “love” for a refresher if need be. In the meantime, John is correct: Your daughter is an adult and it is not your place to interfere anymore. You’ve had 18 years to shape and mold her and your job is done.
Anthony Hernandez
http://www.theenlightenedsavage.com
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Mom, she is 19 and old enough to make her own decisions. It certainly sounds like a volatile relationship. You will have to let her work her own problems out now matter how much you want to protect her and fix things and make them better.
marriagecoach1.wordpress.com
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Kypris Aster Drake, M.S., M.A.
Specialty: Sex, Book Author
Location: CA, U.S
Posts by Kypris Aster Drake, M.S., M.A.
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Every year, huh? Is it always around the same TIME? Is it VALENTINE’S Day, perhaps? If it IS, consider that he MIGHT only be doing it to AVOID doing something SPECIAL for your daughter this time of year.
If they’re broken UP, he doesn’t have to take her out, spend money on her, OR even spend TIME with her. It’s a perfect plan on his part. However, your DAUGHTER needs to be SMARTER and recognize this pattern before she gets even MORE attached to this loser she claims to “love.”
Hell, he MIGHT even have another GIRLFRIEND he’s with (that your daughter doesn’t KNOW about) and he has to spend time with HER on Valentine’s Day, so he CAN’T see your daughter. So the only way to AVOID that is to break UP with her.
Consider that to be a STRONG possibility.
More help? Email me:
JayTheAdviceMan@aol.com
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