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6 Comments Already

October 13th, 2010 @10:28 am  


First of all set boundaries and in no uncertain terms tell your friend that You will not be her alibi. She is putting you in an impossible situation! Do not talk to her husband though I understand that he needs someone to listen to, but you as her bf should not be the one he talks to. Encourage him to communicate with his wife and that he needs to resolve this with her and not you! Again he as well wants to put you in an impossible situation! If you don’t stand up to your gf… in the end you will suffer alot more then she will…you gf has to make a decison and communicate with her husband…at this point she is having her cake and eating it too….don’t allow her to take you down the rabbit hole with her…

good luck

Gina Landeau
Hello Ms Heartbreak, I’ve been expecting you!

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Suzanne White Montiel Said,
October 9th, 2010 @10:48 am  

Dear Dy,

You do as little as possible. This is not your business; it is for the two of them to deal with.

It is not your place to talk to the husband about the relationship.

It is also not your place to be an alibi for your friend, who was being a rather poor excuse for a friend when she put you in that situation. Your friend also did not do you any favors by telling you about her affairs.

If your friend wants to get out of her marriage then that’s what she should do. You can provide some emotional support, but otherwise her marriage has nothing to do with you.


Suzanne White Montiel

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Cinique' Said,
October 9th, 2010 @10:36 am  


This definitely is a sticky situation. It is, however, a situation that you should try to stay out of as much as possible. If things were to go off course, (and it sound like they eventually will) sometimes people tend to look for anything or anyone to blame for their problems. You would be placing yourself in a position to lose their confidence and their friendship. If you value your friend you would advise her to refrain from doing the wrong thing. “A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling.” – Arthur Brisbane – Look, if she wants to continue to frolic in her error and still wants to get a divorce, let her do it on her own terms. If she gets caught let him be the one who catches her, without your help. Love can be irrational at times and you don’t want to be around when that happens. Don’t let yourself be a refuge of blame. I would advise her to do what her heart leads her to do and not to lead her husband on or waist his or your time by having you keep secrets and using you as alibi’s for her adulterous promiscuity. If a friend will use you as an alibi without your permission, they are disrespecting you. I would seriously rethink your relationship, whether I could truly call her friend. Definitely be candid with her husband, be very careful about what you say to him. He may ask you questions that would require that you decide about telling the truth or lying for your friend. At this juncture let me ask you this ethical question; what type of person are you? Will you lie for your friend or will you keep your moral fibers and your self respect? I hope this helps. If you have any further questions you can contact me by email. God Bless!

Cinique Scott

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October 9th, 2010 @4:00 am  

Dear Dy —

It’s unanimous. Like John Wilder, I agree wholeheartedly with the advice Jason has given you. Don’t allow yourself to be used in the guise of friendship. Regardless of whether others are acting with integrity, that option always remains open to you.

Good luck,

Shela Dean
Relationship Coach, Speaker & Author

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October 8th, 2010 @4:56 pm  

Jason covered all the bases and I can’t improve on his answer.

Blessings on you and yours
John Wilder blog

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October 8th, 2010 @3:24 pm  

Well, the FIRST thing you need to do is have a talk with your FRIEND.

Say “Listen Stephanie (or whatever her name is) You know I love you to death, but could you try not to put me in the middle of this situation with you and John? He’s a good guy and I don’t like lying to people as it is.”

NEXT you need to tell her the RIGHT thing to DO!

She has to be a WOMAN about this situation and TELL her husband that she’s not HAPPY anymore. Hell, let a situation come up in conversation (with them) and she can say it THEN (that way she won’t have to just say it out of nowhere) But it’s COMPLETELY POINTLESS to stay in a marriage forever that you don’t want to be in. Ask her what her PLAN is. Say “Do you plan to just do this FOREVER? What’s the POINT?”

They could also consider having an OPEN marriage. That way she’ll stay with him, but she won’t have to hide her infidelity either.

Either way, it is NOT fair to put YOU in the MIDDLE of it. A true friend may not snitch on her friend, but that OTHER true friend wouldn’t put the FIRST friend in a position to LIE for her all the time EITHER. So REMEMBER that.

You need more advice, EMAIL me:

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