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Suzanne White Montiel Said,
June 26th, 2010 @10:29 am  

Dear Joanne,

I have no clue what he said means; chances are he doesn’t either.

Relationships don’t have to be difficult. They can be fun and light and happy. Sure, there are liable to be some disagreements, but constant arguing probably means you don’t need to be in a relationship.

Our relationships with others should enrich our lives.


Suzanne White Montiel
SF Sex and Relationships Examiner

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June 26th, 2010 @3:24 am  

Dear Joanne,

I agree completely with Jason (who also answered your question). And I would add that there’s nothing inherently wrong with arguing especially if it’s done fairly. The risk with arguing is that in the heat of the moment you say and do things that you later regret (as in break-up). What you don’t say is what you two argue about which I suspect is the bigger issue and what I would urge you to think long and hard about before making a final decision. The issue may be HOW you argue or it may be what you argue about.


Shela Dean
Relationship Coach, Speaker & Bestselling Author

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June 25th, 2010 @8:58 pm  


You don’t say what you are arguing about, That would really help with my answer. What I can say is that arguing is the main reason that couples break up because they lack good conflict resolution skills. Whether or not you stay with him, you need to learn good conflict resolutions skills.

Every couple will have differences of opinion. You need to be able to calmly discuss it and alternatives without yelling and screaming. Ask questions calmly like, “In what way can we resolve this”. In other words instead of beating each other up with words and screaming, make the problem the enemy and you are enlisting your boyfriend’s opinion on how to resolve it. Guys love to solve problems and most definitely men need to be respected.

You must show him respect at all times. Explain what you don’t like and ask him how he would propose to resolve it.

You cold also negotiate the problem by assigning a number from 1-10 and honestly assessing your feelings about the matter. If your opinion is a 4 and his is an 8 you give in and let him have his way.

You could agree to disagree where no one wins the fight.

You could split the difference and compromise.

No one wants to lose the fight so it is important to be able to mutually resolve and discuss the problme and fix it without yelling at each other.

You could resolve it by aggreeing to flip a coin and the winner gets their way.

These are all good techniques to resolve problems without huritng each other.
This is a life long skill that you both need to learn if you want happy harmonious relationships.

Blessings on you and yours
John Wilder blog

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June 25th, 2010 @6:33 pm  

I think what he meant by that was “What we have may not be perfect, but we make it work. It works for US!”

In other words, it may not be an IDEAL relationship, but you guys manage to make it work for YOU, which is why you’ve stuck it out for so long.

The bottom line this though, I don’t see you making your decision to break up or stay with him solely based off of what WE say. You’re going to go by what u FEEL.

Do you FEEL you should stick it out, or are you tired of the ARGUING?

Are you gonna KEEP going through this, or do you realize this isn’t HEALTHY?

You have to answer those questions, and then let your ACTIONS match your ANSWERS.

Good luck!

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