Dear Joanne,

I have no clue what he said means; chances are he doesn’t either.

Relationships don’t have to be difficult. They can be fun and light and happy. Sure, there are liable to be some disagreements, but constant arguing probably means you don’t need to be in a relationship.

Our relationships with others should enrich our lives.

Sincerely,

Suzanne White Montiel
SF Sex and Relationships Examiner
http://www.examiner.com/x-14163-SF-Sex-and-Relationships-Examiner

Joanne:

You don’t say what you are arguing about, That would really help with my answer. What I can say is that arguing is the main reason that couples break up because they lack good conflict resolution skills. Whether or not you stay with him, you need to learn good conflict resolutions skills.

Every couple will have differences of opinion. You need to be able to calmly discuss it and alternatives without yelling and screaming. Ask questions calmly like, “In what way can we resolve this”. In other words instead of beating each other up with words and screaming, make the problem the enemy and you are enlisting your boyfriend’s opinion on how to resolve it. Guys love to solve problems and most definitely men need to be respected.

You must show him respect at all times. Explain what you don’t like and ask him how he would propose to resolve it.

You cold also negotiate the problem by assigning a number from 1-10 and honestly assessing your feelings about the matter. If your opinion is a 4 and his is an 8 you give in and let him have his way.

You could agree to disagree where no one wins the fight.

You could split the difference and compromise.

No one wants to lose the fight so it is important to be able to mutually resolve and discuss the problme and fix it without yelling at each other.

You could resolve it by aggreeing to flip a coin and the winner gets their way.

These are all good techniques to resolve problems without huritng each other.
This is a life long skill that you both need to learn if you want happy harmonious relationships.

Blessings on you and yours
John Wilder

marriagecoach1@yahoo.com

marriagecoach1.wordpress.com blog