Instead of being paranoid, give him the benefit of the doubt or it will eat you up and cause damage to your relationship. There are reasons men get in a bad mood and emotionally withdraw. Us guys have to put up with PMS but women are rarely willing to cut a guy some slack.
The fact that the sex was good, passionate and loving says to me that he has not been cheating and I am a guy.

There is nothing wrong with being watchful but not suspicious and definitely not accusing,

marriagecoach1@yahoo.com

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Who knows? More importantly, who cares? The bottom line is that your marriage seems to have some issues. Ignoring them will only make it worse, so the sooner you suck it up and have the conversation, the sooner the issues will be resolved.

As for being paranoid about some supposed breach of monogamy, the simple biological fact is that humans are not monogamous creatures. All species where the males are larger than the females practice serial monogamy at best and most often have a “mixed” reproductive strategy where they will try and get some on the side in hopes of having someone else raising their offspring. All animals, humans included, are merely mixing bowls for DNA, which is doing its level best to leave as many copies of itself in as many different combinations as possible for future generations. On a biological level, that is the entire point of life, period. All else is just meaningless fluff.

Along come a bunch of men in dresses claiming to have some hot-line to some higher authority that wants us all to be monogamous and not “fornicate” or “commit adultery” lest we burn for all eternity. It’s a bit like trying to tell a plane to be a submarine–it just doesn’t work. To this day, 10-30% of children in “normal” families are not the father’s biological offspring. 67% of men and some 40% of women have sex outside of their supposedly monogamous relationships. Seems that religion and legislated morality can’t hold a candle to billions of years of Darwinian evolution.

So, you have a choice: Try to beat it (you won’t) or join it. Modern contraception makes sex very safe and very enjoyable. So why not set aside the foolish idea that monogamy=cheating and instead set some very clear limits about the circumstances under which you can both enjoy yourselves? I know couples where the rule is as simple as both partners must be OK with it and both must be present during all such encounters. You will not find happier, more well-adjusted people anywhere. In short, you literally can have your cake and eat it, too.

You can resolve your issues and quite possibly have a whole lot of fun… or not. Your call.

Anthony Hernandez
http://www.theenlightenedsavage.com

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