Vera Asked:
“I’ve been dating with a man for almost two years till now, I knew him when I was in my third year in the university. He is 44 years old now, He had married for ten years then got divorced he had three children with his ex-wife. Then he had another children with a woman who he didnt marry to. He told me all this before we started to date. I finished my school this year. Now we are living together like married couples. Before I only went to meet him once a week I didnt know his life much. But when we are together he sometimes get phone calls from other women he avoided to answer the phone. I had a feeling he had some women but I dont know who are they. Several weeks ago I read the messages in his phone, the result shocked me a lot, there are not a few women but a dozen of women. from 20 to 60 i think. we are now in China. He is Estonian, Im Asian. So the fact looks like he is a women collector. When they were sending messages they were using word like husbund and wife and sweet heart… among which I found my messages looks like im just one of those women. I didnt tell him what I saw then I found a letter from an Italian woman who he told me before but he said it’s just a friend. She was calling him lovers and express her love for him and it seemed they’ve kept this kind of relationship for several years. ok then like all the stories, as a woman i was cheated then I asked him, he said”im not cheating on you im just keeping you away from my private life” and said im too jealous and invaded his private life. Anyway im just not the type he likes,then why the hell you were spending your time with me. I hate being fooled around.
For several months I felt no hope for everything. i just graduated and got a job get ready to develop this relationship but looks like for this moment life doesnt like me much. i decided to change but i cannot get rid of everything now.
I need some help and suggestion to buid up myself.”
- Vera (22, Shanghai, China)
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Dear Vera,
I suggest you and this man go your separate ways. He seems to like having a string of ladies but you want monogamy; these things are not compatible.
Try dating men closer to your age, as they are more likely to have similar expectations from their relationships.
Sincerely,
Suzanne White Montiel
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