Eric Asked:
“I was in a long distance relationship with my ex for the past 4 years plus. We spent more than a year not seeing each other because I was away. However we kept in touch during this period through email and phone. Now that I am back she is breaking up with me because while I wasn’t here she met another guy she feels happier being with. I wanna give her all she wants but we do not live in the same states. we are like 5 hours away. What do I do to get her back?”
- Eric (28, Montreal, QC, Canada)
Dear Eric,
The first thing you should do is to temporarily move closer, perhaps a weekend place to rent. When there is absence in a relationship, stress stimulates attachment. She found somebody else to fill that void that she was missing. She was seeking somebody to hold, kiss, cuddle. You need to “Woo” her back, show her the wonderful things you had. She is replacing you with somebody else as she missed you. She is also angry as you left, she replaced you but she is not aware or in touch. This other guy is most likely a rebound but she is not seeing this. Go into therapy and do a couple of sessions, tell her it is closure as you meant a lot to each other. Never say would of, could of, should of. The phone is second fill but does not cut it. You need to fight for this, the feelings don’t just go away. She feels frozen, she thinks she is out of love because she is angry. If it is good, it does not go bad like that. You need to melt her heart.
My book Make Up Don’t Break Up has an extensive chapter on Long Distance relationships. If I can provide any further feedback, please feel free to contact me at 917-538-5842. Thank you
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@ Anthony, she didn’t respect him enough to tell him the truth when it first happened either. Instead, she let him believe that the relationship could still move forward. She gave no indication that it wouldn’t. So, you could argue the respect factor both ways here.
Bottom line is, Eric: Try to see her ONE last time. For CLOSURE purposes if you need it. If that last visit doesn’t change her mind, then at least you’ll get some closure out of it and (hopefully) be able to move on. Best of luck to you.
Email if necessary:
JayTheAdviceMan@aol.com