Nov 11

2009

Ask Our Relationship Experts: I want to get my wife to fall in love with me again

Written by    Category: Ask Our Experts, Cheating, Family and Parenting, For Your Consideration, Love Stories, Marriage, Relationships, Self-Improvement    Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,    

advice.lovedetour.com Ask Our Relationship Experts: I want to get my wife to fall in love with me again askourexperts2 imageMatthewercies Asked:

“I want to get my wife to fall in love with me again. Been married for 13 years and have 3 children. Last month, I had a hunch something was wrong and she planned to have lunch with her ex. We talked and I told her why she would do this to me. Then she told me that she was not in love with me, but loved me in family terms only. She said she has not loved me for years due to the fact that I was not a good father to our children, She has told me before to change my ways towards our children, but I never changed. Only temporary. She has admitted to emails to her ex’s and is very secretive on-line. She gets very irritated that I ask her about her facebook accounts and other email stuff. I want her to fall in love with me again as I feel towards her.”

- matthewercies (38, Orange County, Florida)


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mygif
Suzanne White Montiel Said,
November 18th, 2009 @11:36 pm  

Dear matthewercies,

You can’t make anyone do anything they don’t want to do.

Now that the prospect of your wife actually leaving you is a possibility you want her to fall in love with you? What about all those years you were treating her and your children with disregard?

Hopefully you’ve learned something that you can take into your future relationships.

Sincerely,

Suzanne White Montiel
SF Sex and Relationships Examiner
http://www.examiner.com/x-14163-SF-Sex-and-Relationships-Examiner

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mygif
nicole_eliise_coleman Said,
November 16th, 2009 @10:21 am  

Matthewercies,

Sorry you are goin through such a hard time. As for your relationship sounds to me like your wife is brokenhearted over the lack of parenting on your part. You making promises that you didn’t keep in regards to your children. As I was reading your comment I couldn’t help but notice the fact you neglected to mention mending your relationship with your wife and KIDS as well. Your so focused on making your wife fall in love with you and yet she told you that it was due to you not being a good father so before you try to rekindle things with your wife, I think you need to have a more active role in your kids. Not just to get your wife to fall back in love with you. But because it is the right thing to do. And in doing so that will bring you closer to your kids and your wife may start to look at you in a more positive light. As for wife talking and possibly reconnecting with her ex. Thats her outlet for her malcontent in your marital arrangement. I think if your work on being a good father and show her how much you love her and this just isn’t a temporary change. She may fall back in love with you.

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terez07 Said,
November 16th, 2009 @12:06 am  

Unfortunately, the future of your marriage does not seem good. Your wife seems to harbor resentment toward you for whatever failings she perceives you have at being a good father.

Additionally, you yourself have admitted that, for whatever reasons, you have not “changed your ways” toward your children. That decision is probably one of the leading factors for the deterioration of your marriage.

At this point, you need to have a frank and honest conversation with your wife regarding if she wants to save your marriage. If so, I strongly recommend marriage and family counseling.

Also, you didn’t express any concern regarding how your children perceive you as a father. If you have not seriously considered this, you should. Your children may be young now, but will not be forever.

It would be extremely unfortunate for you to lose not only your relationship with your spouse, but with your children as well.

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mygif
Jason Love Said,
November 12th, 2009 @9:01 pm  

Looks like you should’ve listened to her original request. Why didn’t you? Is being a father something you just never had INTEREST in, or did you feel like you didn’t HAVE to, because your wife would love you ANYWAY? Either way, you made a mistake.

As for getting her to fall back in love with you, that might be a lost cause, mate. I think you blew this one. I mean, sure, you could try being a better father NOW, and doing all the great things you never USED to, but I think it’s all a bit too late. She might appreciate your effort, but it won’t make her WANT you again.

The only saving grace MAY be the fact that she hasn’t asked for a DIVORCE yet. (Wait, HAS she? lol)

JayTheAdviceMan@aol.com

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mygif
Anthony Hernandez Said,
November 12th, 2009 @5:45 pm  

Dear Matt,

Forget about it. The human is designed to remain in a relationship for 10-15 years tops, after which staying together serves no biologically viable purpose. (Remember that our brains are millions of years behind the recent advances we call civilization.)

Could you have preserved the love by acting to do so from the outset? Yes. But neither of you did. So the sooner you let this go, the better.

Religion and the associated morality it tries to force down our throats tells us that lifelong monogamy equals good and saving marriage at all costs equals good, all else equals bad. Well, forget it. You may as well try to get a car to fly… which it will, briefly, if sent over a cliff.

Be a friend, lover her as a person, figure out how to be a good parent, and move on. You will both be a lot happier. My ex wife and I are parents and good friends and both in loving relationships. We are MUCH happier now than when we were married. You can be too.

Anthony Hernandez
http://www.theenlightenedsavage.com

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