Michelle Asked:
“My ex and I broke up in April citing reasons not feeling the same way as me amongst other things as the cause. We’ve gradually gotten back on speaking terms recently.
It’s the anniversary of his mother’s death this month and being that I still care about him and his family, I sent him a little message stating that I hoped all was well and that my thoughts were with them all. From then on and for the past week, the emails have been full of reminiscing, remembering and flirting. Although this wasn’t what I intended to happen, I find myself wanting more again. The truth is I’ve no idea what he’s thinking.
We’re so completely right for each other it’s painful. I wouldn’t be this concerned if it was just a passing thing, but we had and still have a genuine spark and connection and it just works.
About two months ago he asked to see me. He said he’d been missing things and perhaps realized how lucky he was. We met up for dinner, chatted, flirted and had a lovely evening. I asked him about a week later if maybe he would like to re-start things again, very slowly, to see what if. He declined after much thought saying that he felt we’d just end up back in the same place and that he doesn’t want to put me through any tough situations he has coming his way (i’m assuming he means his mother’s anniversary). If he just wanted to be friends I don’t understand why he said that he missed things and sounded full of regret.
I’m completely head over heels, and even though we’ve been broken up a little while, my feelings haven’t changed, i’ve just had to accept things as they are. Now all of this has happened….
Any help?”
- Michelle (29, Leigh, Essex, UK)
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Dear Michelle,
It’s understandable that your feelings resurfaced. Revisiting the past always brings back good feelings and memories; however, I caution you to remember that it takes more than mere feelings, or memories for a good relationship to work. There is a reason that relationship ended. You stated that after MUCH thought your ex declined. That’s a BIG hint. He knows how he feels. It is not unusual for people to regress to what is familiar. But, when it’s time to move on – move on. Don’t settle for someone that doesn’t truly want to be with you. You had what you had; it is what it is. If you’re are going to embrace a healthy future let go of your past. Use that relationship as tool to empower yourself. Keep the good, let go of the bad. That season of your life served it purpose.
Mediocrity is the worst of the best and the best of the worst. Go new places, do new things and meet new people. If that relationship is meant to be, when the time is right it will come back to you. However, I suggest that you don’t sit around waiting on that to happen. More than likely you will only be disappointed. Wasted time is something that you cannot get back. Instead maximize right now. Life is too short and death is too long to settle for less than you deserve. I suggest that you order my latest book, “Break Up, Don’t Break Down” by D Ivan Young. Go to http://www.divanyoung.com to get a copy. It will help you to discover your divine purpose as you position yourself for real authentic love to find you.
There is somebody for everybody. You cannot get what God has for you hanging on to what you’re trying to give yourself. Allow time and patience to have their perfect work in your life. What was meant to curse you will bless you if you allow the mystery to unfold. Don’t limit your love life to that which you’ve seen. The greater unknown is far better than the lesser known. That which you seek is equally seeking you.
By Relationship Expert, D Ivan Young
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