Lost in Love Asked:
“I am so confused. I need some advice/direction. I have been dating this wonderful man for 10 months. He has made me happier that I have ever been. We are so made for each other. He is very close with his family and I am very close with mine. The problem came in when he and I decided that we wanted to move to another state. My family felt that it was important to get to know him before we moved. Within those 10 months he has been around my family maybe three times. I asked him why he does not like to come around and he said that because he feels like he is being prejudged because of my past relationship and that they want to interrogate him. In my past relationship I was involved with a man for 13 years that did everything but physically hit me. After the relationship was over I had nothing left of me, I spent about two years picking up the pieces of my life. Then I met this wonderful man and we fell madly in love instantly, we knew early on that we wanted to get married and have kids. So I have been preparing to move and my family was happy for me but at the same time concerned because they have not had much time with him and they started to worry because they didn’t know much about him. They all kept telling me that they were happy for me but at the same time afraid of me getting hurt. One relative decided to take it upon them self to look into his background. I told him what was done and now he feels like his feelings about my family were proven right. We got into a huge fight that involved both families. All my family was doing was trying to love and protect me but they went about it the wrong way. In my opinion they should have just seen how happy he has made me and that he has never done anything to hurt me in any way. He then told all his family what had happened and now they are all upset. They feel like all he did was make me happy and they had not right to do that. So now the real problem comes in, we have broken up. All I kept hearing from people was we don’t want you to get hurt. I got scared and instead of taking time to think about myself and what I wanted I let everyone else’s fears freak me out. That really sucks because neither of us wants that. Yes he and I have a few things to work out but it’s not anything that cannot be fixed. We are a very strong and close couple I believe we can work through anything we can control. I just don’t know how to fix the family mess. He is so angry and does not want anything to do with my family. And his family is upset with me and my. They are upset with me because I hurt him and because I chose to not think about what I wanted. Also that my family did not take into consideration that he has made me happy and that he has never hurt me. All he did was love me. He and I are confused because we would like to have a future together that includes marriage and kids but don’t think we can do it with the family mess. How do we do damage control and fix this family situation? He and I know it cannot work if he there is so much anger between everyone. I cannot get married to a man who feels like he wants to leave when my family comes around. It’s not fair. I feel like I can make things right with his family. I don’t want to lose the best thing that has happened to me in a very long time.”
- Lost in Love (33)
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Lost in Love, I think its beautiful that you have a family who loves you and looks after you. But, at the end of the day there not you. They have an opinion, but it doesn’t mean they should dictate your happiness. You may have had a bad streask of picking low life men. And they want to make sure that it doesn’t happen again. But in doing so, they may push a good guy away. You have to learn how to seperate your family and your love life. Appreciating ones suggestion is one thing abiding by it is another. Your 33, you have to live your own life. Anytime you open your heart to someone there is a possibilty that they may heart you. Thats just a sad reality. Does that mean one should live in fear? No. It means you live and you learn, and they move on. If this guys treats you good, then take it for what it is. Then eventually maybe your family will see it too. If not then that is their problem. I would advise you to thake things slow though. 10 months isn’t long enough too truly get to know someone. If there right for you, then taking the time with each other will only increase your love. And they you will have no room for regrets in the future.
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