Ryan Asked:

“I’m dating a girl. We have been together for over a year. We fought all the time and eventually, just before the one year mark, I broke up with her. Reason being, I met a girl in college that I couldnt get out of my head. So I broke up with her and started seeing the new girl. Eventually, the new girl and I stopped seeing each other and my ex and I got back together. We moved in together and lately Ive been feeling very unhappy. She is not so girly, kinda tom boyish, and she used to date girls when she was younger. I am a short guy, 5’5 and im not very tough, kinda a gamer, indoors nerdy type. Lately, Ive been very unhappy. Ive also stopped having sex with her, strange for a guy I know, but I almost kinda hoped she would get bored and cheat on me, getting me off the hook. She is head over heels for me, and crys and crys and crys anytime I talk about ending it. Today, I finally snapped. I told her its not working….honestly, we dont have anything deep in common, we both like music, but completely diff. types of music. we both like food, but completely diff. types of food, we argue over any deep conversation. I feel very confident alone, and I have gone many many years alone, and without sex or relationships, and feel very comfortable alone, a lil lonely, but OK. She crys and crys and cant seem to be without me. I feel like shes not really in love with me, just scared to be alone, even tho she swears she just loves me and really wants to be with me. although every time we fight, which is alot, she says she hates me, Im an asshole, im selfish, etc….btw, her best friend in the world is a guy, better looking than me, big muscles, he models, and hes very strong, tough, dark, not sooo smart though. I find myself especially attracted to really girly girls, not extremely bright girls, who make me feel tough, strong, smart, and manly….SHE always challenges my intelligence, strength, manhood, just cuz she is just as smart as me and she is a very tough, tom boyish girl. so basically, I want a girlier girl,even though most girlier girls I date dont work out. she wants to be girlier and wants more than anything to be with me….what do I do? Am I wrong to want a girlier girl who makes me feel strong, smart manly? I keep telling her she should find a stronger, more manly smart guy, or maybe go back to dating girls…I dont know. She really wants to be with me, and she is very good to me, and makes me happy, except I never feel manly with her. I find myself talking in baby talk, becomming girly, simply to balance. I hate that…Its not me. I am from the south and grew up very old school, where the man is a man and the woman is submissive to her man, although I am very pro-modern era, and want a woman who has her own job, her own goals and carreer, and I have my own. Although she seems to only want to be a housewife, no carreer, just kids and loving to husband. I want a girly girl who looks to her strong smart husband to lead at home, but has her own carreer focus and is ok with or without me. what do I do? please help. we live together,so its not easy to split up, so need some advice. she IS good to me though, and I will miss her if I end it. But, Im tired of competing with her..whos tougher,whos smarter, who wears the pants?”

- Ryan (25, Anaheim, CA)

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