Rob Asked:
“I need some advice, my wife and I are going through some turmoil. She has told me she would like a divorce, we agreed to take the next year or so to pay off bills to make it easier finacially on both of us. She also has told me that she wants to take day at a time and see what happens. She says right now she has no feelings for me in the way a wife should, but she doesn’t know if in the future they will come back. Right now she is following her heart and her heart is leading her away from me. I have asked if she was interested or seeing someone else and she has said no, that she just wants to be alone for a while. We have two children and I am in our house and still sleep in the same bed with her. There is no physical connection ie, no hand holding, no hugging, no kissing ect. No I love you’s or any of the sort. We still do things together with the kids and with each other, we don’t go out together too much, but we did have a great new years together and she hugged me. I asked her if she would go on a date with me and she said now is not the right time. So my question is what do I do? Do I give her space and how do I do that? I love her very much, and I want this to work out and hopefully reconnect stronger, but sometimes my emotions get the best of me and I start asking the same questions and bothering her. Any and help would be great. Thanks.”
- Rob (33, Virginia Beach, VA)
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Dear Rob,
You simply can’t make someone do what you want them to do. You only have control over yourself.
So why not work on yourself? Go to therapy, suggest to your wife that the both of you go to therapy together, and be an attentive father. Your actions should show that you’re committed to your relationship and your children, neither of which necessarily include physical affection.
Therapy would probably bring to light some underlying causes of the present state of your relationship, which didn’t come out of the blue. Things have probably been building up for some time until your wife felt she could do no more than shut down.
If you work on yourself – being a better person, spouse, and parent – she’ll probably notice. That doesn’t mean everything will be fixed, only that you will have done everything within your power to make it better.
Sincerely,
Suzanne White Montiel
SF Sex and Relationships Examiner
http://www.examiner.com/x-14163-SF-Sex-and-Relationships-Examiner
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