Expert advice to get your relationships back on track
2010
Joanna Asked:“Congratulations on your very nice website!!
I left my boyfriend for someone else I thought I was in love with. I told my ex to stay away from me but now I miss him. Is it normal? Im ok in my new relationship but I feel that he won’t do as much for me as my ex would! I love my ex and I am feeling confused!”
- Joanna (31)
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Hi Joaana
There is a song that tells a story about one person breaking up with another… “Then what , what are you going to do when the new wears off and old shines through? And it ain’t really love and it ain’t really lust…”
Where you believed you had a better relationship then you did with your ex…you found out the hard that all that glitters is not always golden! You made the deciion to leave and you really can’t expect your ex to be waiting for you to return? Really, since the new bf can’t “take” care of you like the ex, this is your reason for your change of heart? Start thinking about what you can do for yourself and you are either in the relationship all the way or give the guy a break and go find what you are looking for?
You will always have lingering feelings for your ex…but rememeber it was your choice to end it and not his. Don’t play games with others emotions, life is too short…
good luck
Gina Landeau
Hello Ms Heartbreak, I’ve been expecting you!
Dear Joanna,
One would think that by the time someone is in her 30s that she no longer has interest in having relationships with people based on what they can do for her, but rather based on mutual affection and respect. Clearly, one would be wrong.
You made your bed, now lie in it.
Sincerely,
Suzanne White Montiel
SF Sex and Relationships Examiner
http://www.examiner.com/x-14163-SF-Sex-and-Relationships-Examiner
You need to take stock of yourself and why you are so fickle. In my opinion you should break up with the second guy and be alone until you figure out what your problems are.
I suspect that the second guy was kind of a bad boy who seemed more exciting to you than your solid reliable first boyfriend. It definitely sounds like you cheated on the first guy with the second guy. Your ethics leave a lot to be desired. You are very immature. It is time to grow up. You are a lousy risk for a guy right now as you are emotionally all over the place.
I’m with Anthony on this one. You kind of got what you deserved here Joanna.
Think about it:
You had a good man, then DUMPED him for somebody else.
You even told your ex to STAY AWAY from you.
Now, you’re not HAPPY with your “new man”, so you want your ex back.
In all honesty, you didn’t appreciate what you had.
And, if I were him, I wouldn’t give you the time of day.
Why did you leave him in the first place? How did you think you were “in love” with some other random guy, if you were in a committed relationship to begin with? That indicates to me that you were likely CHEATING on your man before you even DUMPED him.
Now this new guy isn’t all you THOUGHT he was, so you wanna go back.
Nothin doin! You made your bed. It’s time to lie in it.
Well, aren’t we quite the little gold digger?
You dumped your ex because you thought the new guy would give you more stuff (physical, material, emotional, whatever) and realized you’re wrong. So now you want to go back to milk the old cow some more.
The truth is that you don’t love either of them. You were using the first guy and thought you could use the second guy. You realized your mistake and now you want to know if the first guy is enough of a milquetoast to let you use him some more, presumably until your next meal ticket shows himself.
Seriously, can you be any more selfish?
For shame!
Anthony Hernandez
http://www.theenlightenedsavage.com
It’s tough, as you are now experiencing, to grieve the loss of one relationship while in another. When we don’t give ourselves time to go through this healthy and necessary process alone, it can and often does get confusing. Grief includes longing, missing and recounting all the time you had with that other person. It can be a veritable rollercoaster, depending how long you were together and what kind of commitment you had and what your reasons were for parting. That said, if you feel confident you have made the right choice and are not just experiencing the natural waves of loss, the thing to remember is why you left. There must have been a compelling enough reason to chose to move on. Stay mindful of that as well as you continue to grieve. Also, you may want to let your current partner know what you are going through: you may even want to seek some outside support so it doesn’t wreak havoc on your new love. While it’s not an ideal scenario, talking about it could bring you closer together if done with sincerity and heart (and some great tools and skills). To re-cap: I wouldn’t be overly concerned unless it is your pattern to hop from relationship to relationship, yearning each time for what you left behind. In that case you may want to look deeper!
Blessings!
~Maryanne
http://maryannelive.com