Dear Jamie,

Getting over jealousy just takes maturity. And maturity comes with time. You’ve already realized that your jealousy is irrational, so you just have to wait it out. Try fighting it with some rational thought, and it may fade.

Whatever you do, don’t give into the jealousy. I think it’s good you’re not sharing your silliness with your boyfriend. Next step is to not share it with yourself.

Try doing things separate and apart from your boyfriend. Fill your time with fun activities so you don’t have time to get jealous. Have fun and realize that when he’s apart from you he’s having fun too. Your separate lives do not detract from your time together so there’s no reason to be jealous.

Sincerely,

Suzanne White Montiel
SF Sex and Relationships Examiner
http://www.examiner.com/x-14163-SF-Sex-and-Relationships-Examiner

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I beg to differ with John 100% here.

Jealousy stems from the primal need for acceptance by other humans and from the need for control over one’s situation. The truth is that no one, and I mean no one, will ever accept you for who you are nor love you for who you are unless and until you learn to love and accept yourself totally. That is a process that requires age and maturity and the simple truth is that you will not be ready for any kind of truly mature relationship until you are at least 30 and possibly if not probably longer. Anyone who tells you differently is, unfortunately, ignorant of the fundamentals of human evolution.

As for your need for control, everyone needs the feeling of security and power. But the truth is that nothing is permanent. There is no such thing as security, ever. You have died by the time I get done writing this. I may die before I finish writing this. We have no control over that. In fact, the only thing we can ever hope to control are our thoughts and our feelings and even the only within limits. So the sooner you master the art of unconditional acceptance and surrender, the sooner you can relinquish the need for control and all expectations, which will free you to live life fully. Nothing in life is ever good or bad until you choose to label it as such. Most of us choose unconsciously. Learn how to make conscious choices. Then and only then will you be free.

And above all don’t take any of this seriously. You have at least 12 years of self-discovery ahead before you can even think about being ready for a truly mature and loving relationship. In the meantime, have all the sex and flings you want, just don’t take any of it seriously.

Anthony Hernandez
http://www.theenlightenedsavage.com

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