Expert advice to get your relationships back on track
2010
Tom Asked:“My neighbor’s wife wants to have sex with my wife. My wife has fantasized about having sex with her. The idea of the two of them together really turns me on. How do I get my wife to do it?”
- Tom (50, St Paul, MN)
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Tom,
I know how great it must be to think of your wife with another woman. I guess most men at one time or another think about woman on woman sex, and the thought of it being your wife and you watching I’m sure just ups the ante. But there are lots of things to consider here. You are about to open your marraige to a third party which usually is not a good ideal because once you began to push the envelope things could get out of hand. And is it really worth loosing your wife over? Sex games in the marraige are something that are great tools for keeping marraiges fresh and exciting but I honestly believe you always need to keep it between just you and her. Lets look at your options here (which I would advise anyone to do before doing something) 1. They have sex you watch and all is great and you both stay married and happy 2. They have sex and she likes it so much that she wants to continue haveing sex with her untill you are no longer exciting enough. 3. She enjoys it so much she wants to push the excitement up a notch and want’s you to watch her with another man or you with a man 4. she could wind up with an std 5. she likes it you dont because of jeliousy or something else and she cant quit. If you can not live with any of these options DON’T DO iT because eight out of ten times the one you dont want to deal with is the one that happens. That being said if you decide to go through with it, TALK TO HER!! discuss the ups and downs of what you are planning. What the boundries are and the rules that you both agree on. And above all respect her wishes if she wants to keep it just what it is… a fantsy. Remember she’s your wife your friend and lover.. you are to put her above everything else as she should you. Dont be mad if she says no or she needs to think about it the more understanding and loving you are about it, the more she might be willing to explore this adventure. I hope it all works out for you both. And I really hope you both find ways to spice up your marraige without the aid of a third party. God speed my friend
Finding Your True North By C.J Frost
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Dear Tom,
This is a great time for you and your wife to openly discuss what you want from this fantasy situation.
You need to talk about what sorts of sex acts are ok and which are not, you need to talk about whether either of the husbands would also be involved in the sex (including as voyeurs), you need to talk about whether it would be a one-time thing or an ongoing relationship.
Most of all, you need to talk about all the ways things can go wrong and how you will deal with them if they do. But before you can do that you need to discuss what “going wrong” would be.
Try reading Tristan Taormino’s Opening Up (http://www.amazon.com/Opening-Up-Creating-Sustaining-Relationships/dp/157344295X?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1204133813&sr=8-10) to give you an idea of the many issues you will encounter when opening your relationship. Because if you think your wife getting it on with your female neighbor isn’t opening up your marriage, you are wrong.
Sincerely,
Suzanne White Montiel
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Tom:
I would suggest that you don’t push this. It rarely turns out well. She could go full lesbian on you. It is a homosexual act. So many men have fantasies about girl on girl sex. What if your wife wanted you to have sex with another guy? It is the same thing.
One woman could go all out and split with her husband. Does your fantasies cover watching them doing it? What about the other husband watching? Or do you want her to do it and give you a blow by blow report so to speak.
I suggest that you both get other fantasies to act out together and stop this before it goes too far. Others might not agree with my advice, but I stand by it. Adultery is adultery by the way even if it is homosexual adultery and you both took vows.
Blessings on you and yours
John Wilder
marriagecoach1.wordpress.com
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If she has fantasies about it, and KNOWS the other woman wants it TOO, why hasn’t she done it ALREADY? Sounds like everything is SET except the actual SEX.
I’d recommend you talking to your wife about it like “She keeps telling me how bad she wants you” etc. and wait for your wife’s response. See if she brings up the fantasies SHE has about her, and keep on, like “Yeah. I know she turns you on too. What’s stopping you honey?” and have a CONVERSATION with her, WITHOUT trying to PUSH her. There is a difference.
Do NOT let your sole motivation for this be the fact that it’ll turn YOU on though. NO! Instead, you TALK to her, and let HER make up her mind to do it, as PUSHING her will only work against you.
Good luck.
Need more advice? Email me:
JayTheAdviceMan@aol.com
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Kypris Aster Drake, M.S., M.A.
Specialty: Sex, Book Author
Location: CA, U.S
Posts by Kypris Aster Drake, M.S., M.A.
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Dear Tom,
There’s little I can add to the comments that have already been made except to say that fantasies are almost always better than reality. Be careful what you ask for.
Best,
Shela Dean
http://www.ShelaDean.com
http://www.FrequentForeplayMiles.com
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