Dear Dawn,

Nothing “wrong” with you per se, you just lack confidence when communicating with this man.

He has obviously expressed his interest in you when he asked you to call him back. So despite your perceived inadequacies he likes you. Get over yourself and call him already.

Sincerely,

Suzanne White Montiel
SF Sex and Relationships Examiner
http://www.examiner.com/x-14163-SF-Sex-and-Relationships-Examiner

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I’m not sure if I should answer this, because I have a SLIGHT feeling that I MAY KNOW you. I could be wrong, since the Dawn *I* know, I actually MET. But the situation sounds similar.

In any event, if this is NOT the same Dawn, then I will just give you this piece of advice:

If the guy actually TOLD you to call him the next day, he PROBABLY WANTED you to. Which means, HE doesn’t HAVE a problem with your ability to communicate. Only YOU do. YOU’RE the one being insecure, without him REALLY giving you a REASON to.

I mean, outside of the fact that he has more depth than the other guys you’ve DEALT with, what has he done to make you feel inadequate? From what I’ve read here, the answer is NOTHING.

So, stop worrying that you ARE inadequate, until he gives you a REASON to. In the MEANTIME, just enjoy the conversation, discuss different things, and meet up if you want to. But women who back off and get SCARED every time they come across a guy who ACTUALLY possesses some INTELLIGENCE, REALLY should not be dating. No matter HOW old they are. You need to mature…a LOT.

If you’d like some more TIPS, feel free to EMAIL me and I’ll see what I can do:

JayTheAdviceMan@aol.com

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You are insecure.

You are insecure because of your need for acceptance by others.

You need to be accepted by others because you have not yet learned how to truly accept and love yourself unconditionally for who you are.

Unless and until you do this, you will not have a truly mature relationship.

The trick is, nothing is “wrong” with you. Your brain is wired for survival, first and foremost. It is, after all, kind of hard to have kids and spread your DNA if you’re dead inside a predator’s stomach… and humans are PREY animals, not predators, make no mistake about that. Early on, you received some outside stimulus or programming that told you that there is something fundamentally unacceptable about yourself and thus you have been seeking acceptance from others while diminishing yourself in the bargain. Which is a long way of telling you that your brain is following its programming to the letter and that you are perfectly fine. After all, one does not fault a computer for running a word processor if that’s what’s installed on it.

Let go of this old programming. It has served its purpose admirably by protecting you when you needed it and now it’s no longer there. DO this by:

1) Recognizing that there is NOTHING positive or negative in this world. Read the proverb at http://spearsource.com/chinese-proverb.html to see what I mean.

2) Recognize that POSITIVE and NEGATIVE only exist when you choose to make them exist. Understand that we all choose all the time, and usually unconsciously.

3) Develop the art of the “conscious interrupt” where you have a little person on your shoulder watching everything. When something happens, this little person alerts you to make a conscious choice.

Then and only then can you actively participate in your own life on a deep emotional level.

Here’s a personal example: In your situation, the guy spent hours talking with you. Either he is a complete idiot who doesn’t have a life, or you have what it takes to catch and hold the interest of someone who is really worth knowing. Which is it? That’s up to you.

Anthony Hernandez
http://www.theenlightenedsavage.com

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