Kati Asked:
“I’ve been married for six years. I have two children. Ive been with my husband since I was 17. He has had a rocky past with alcohol and drugs as well as a little bit of a criminal past. He was unable to help support my kids and keep a roof over our heads so we lived with my parents for the major part of our relationship. He’s been to jail, rehab twice and has told he has a bad liver and still continues to drink(not as much but still drinks). He has no support system other than myself and no family who cares about him what so ever. I feel i resent him for some of his behaiviors and I’m not sure if I love him any more. He clings to me and the stress of letting him go is almost unbearable because he begs and pleads and is after all the father of my two children. I feel like i might want to fing my independance and find out who I am on my own. He has moved back in with myself and my family and is cleaning the house like a mad man and taking care of the kids really well.. im not sure what to do. im really wishy washy about him and all i want is to know what i want or even how to handle this. He has done some really messed up things that i don’t know if I can forgive him for. like stealing from my sick grandma and and not returning from the store when i sent him for tylenol for my son(he didnt come home till the following day). dont know if i want this to work even though he’s improving. what do i do??”
- Kati (25, Charleston, SC)
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I think that it’s very kind of you to let him back in your life, considering he truly has nothing. But at the same time just because you are letting him stay with you, doesn’nt mean you have to let him back in your heart. Granted he is putting forth an effort but is it genuine or is it fear of losing the only shelter he may have.
He clearly has lost all sense of trust with you and that is going to take alot more then chores around the house can fix. If he had another place to reside, would he be around still? I have questions of his sincerity but ultimately the choice is yours. I feel that he has let you down repeatedly in the past and you deseerve better. I think you letting him in is a way he has control over you in the sense that he knows, no matter what you will ALWAYS be there for him to help pic up the pieces. I think the only loyality that you should have…is to your kids. He is a grown man who put himself in the situation he is in, and he needs to fix it not you. I think sometimes we hinder people as oppose to helping them like we think we are. But at the end of the day you should have a good man who loves you, not another child to take care of.