Sarah Asked:
“I have been dating a great guy for a little over 5 months. We are both in our 20′s. He has a very demanding job, and is extremely busy, while I am a college student with a much more flexible schedule. Our sex life has always been great- we have awesome bedroom chemistry, and it has always been an enjoyable, zesty enterprise for us both. However, he decided to stop drinking for a month- he felt like he was doing it too much. He has lost all interest in sex- we haven’t done it in about a month. He says it is because his emotions and thoughts are all changing and becoming clearer because he has stopped drinking. Also, he is on anti-depressants, and I have read that they can decrease libido. He is still very affectionate- we cuddle every night we are together, and hold hands and kiss. I asked him if I had put on weight or anything since we started dating, and he insists that I have nothing to do with his lack of libido. Does this seem plausible? If this is a temporary thing, it is definitely worth it for me to wait it out and be patient and give him time, because he is a great person. I just want to know if the reasons he gave me for this seem legitimate. How long is too long without sex, especially in a new-ish relationship between young people??”
- Sarah (25, Illinois)
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Dear Sarah,
Is a month without sex too long for you? If so, then you need to seek sex elsewhere and/or break up with your guy.
Another option is to change your definition of “sex.” Seems silly, but there are things other than penis-in-vagina intercourse with ejaculation that are intimate and enjoyable for both partners. Perhaps he feels pressure to perform when he simply does not have the energy to have an orgasm, or to “give” you one. Try other acts of intimacy without the need for a goal other than feeling good spending time with each other. If there’s no pressure then perhaps things will happen organically.
Ultimately, your sex life is in your own hands. If you want to have sex – however you define it – more often then it is your responsibility to make it happen, either with him, with yourself (yep, that’s sex too), or with others.
Sincerely,
Suzanne White Montiel
SF Sex and Relationships Examiner
http://www.examiner.com/x-14163-SF-Sex-and-Relationships-Examiner
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