Anneliese,

I think you quite possibly may have ruined a good thing. I think cheating on someone once is a selfish act. But twice! that may be really hard to overlook. Yes, he is still with you but part of him has checked out. The part that trusted you. Ask yourself why have you cheated in the past? Is he lacking some appeal you find in other men? or is it complacency keeping you in a relationship that you don’t even respect. I am not doubting your love for him, but I do question what he does for you emotionally and physically, that would make you continue cheat. Are you happy?

If not, leave let his heart mend so he may find happiness and live his life! If you do intend to be faithful, good. Stick by that and remember how you would feel if the roles where reversed. I wish you well in your decision.

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Dear Anneliese,

Chill out!

Trust and faith in a person happens, and when you’re in a healthy, mature relationship it’s there. You, however, are not in a healthy, mature relationship. There is nothing healthy nor mature about wanting to invade your mate’s privacy.

And that is what reading his email and knowing his passwords is – invasion of privacy. EVERYONE has a right to their own private thoughts and communication, even if in a committed relationship. The fact that you think you need to know EVERYTHING he does is a bad sign. It’s a sign you don’t trust him or yourself.

Some would say there’s a reason you don’t trust him – because you’re projecting your own penchant for infidelity on him – but I don’t think that’s the case. I think that you have this silly and idealized version of what a relationship is “supposed” to be. Perhaps you should look into polyamory (http://www.openingup.net/).

You are young and have a lot to learn. Take this as an opportunity to figure out what you like and don’t like in relationships, and what you can and cannot do in the long-term.

Sincerely,

Suzanne White Montiel
SF Sex and Relationships Examiner
http://www.examiner.com/x-14163-SF-Sex-and-Relationships-Examiner

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Annieliese:

You stated it very well that no guy in his right mind would still be around. Being an adult is being responsible and truthful and FAITHFUL. If you wanted to screw around you should have broken up with the boyfriend, at least that would have been honest and showing integrity. What you did was sneak around behind his back.

You need to grow up and develop a set of morals and integrity. Until that happens you don’t need to be in any relationship with any guy.

marriagecoach1@yahoo.com
marriagecoach1.wordpress.com blog

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Oh for Pete’s sake…

Of course you “cheated.” You are biologically programmed to be out having as much sex with as many different males as will have you. You are in no way old enough or mature enough (physically or mentally or emotionally) for any kind of serious relationship.

Break it off with this guy and go out and live on your own and learn what it’s like to be an independent adult, something you have next to no experience doing. Travel, explore, and learn who you are and what really matters to you in this short life. Have as much sex as you want with as many different people as you want, with protection. Then, when you are no younger than 30, then and only then will you be a true adult who knows and loves her self enough and respects herself enough to attract someone who is in a similar place. Then and only then can you have a prayer at having a truly mature relationship. Until then it’s all fluff, so treat it as such.

Anthony Hernandez
http://www.theenlightenedsavage.com

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