Jun 18

2010

Ask Our Relationship Experts: Good Father Broken

Written by    Category: Ask Our Experts, Child Support, Family and Parenting, For Your Consideration, Relationships    Tags: , ,    

advice.lovedetour.com Ask Our Relationship Experts: Good Father Broken askourexperts2 imageDaisha Asked:

“Hello my name is Daisha and Ive been in a relationship with a man for 5yrs and we have a 2yr old daughter he has 2 other kids from a privious relationship that he loves to death and I also love. Now the thing is the kids live 3 hours away from us but we go see them every weekend the kids lived with us for 10 months their mother let them come 2 days after my baby was born and she never once came to visit we enrolled them in school and things were going good but 10 months later my fiance recived court papers she wanted the kids back long story short she got the kids back they went from having their own bedrooms to living in a 1 bedroom with their mother that crushed my fiance. He has been paying child support the whole 5yrs i forgot that part even the 10 months they lived with us. Things seem to be getting better he accteped that the kids went back to their mother and we’ve been going down every weekend now all of a sudden she’s trying to push him out of their lives telling the kids that he doesent love them he only loves my baby and he has a new family and does not need them because he has me and my baby theres alot more that was said but its just to much my fiance is getting to the point where he doesent know what to do any more and he’s been back and forth to court and feels like the court system has failed him and his kids and now he feel like the only way to get across to his babymama is through violence and going to jail or just turing his back on them and i dont want either of thoes There was a time when i was able give him word of encouragement but im running out of thing to say to him he cries evey day and i dont know what to do and it hurts me and my baby to see him hurt. Sincerly (his words) GOOD FATHER BROKEN”

- Daisha (25, NY)


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Suzanne White Montiel Said,
June 23rd, 2010 @4:25 am  

Dear Daisha,

The best he can do is exactly what the court tells him to do. Also, he needs to continue to see his children as often as possible. Then, as soon as possible, petition the court for joint or full custody.

Anything dangerous or illegal is, well, dangerous or illegal. Not a good idea, and certainly not the kind of behavior that makes a judge want to give someone more influence in his children’s lives.

Good luck.

Sincerely,

Suzanne White Montiel
SF Sex and Relationships Examiner
http://www.examiner.com/x-14163-SF-Sex-and-Relationships-Examiner

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mygif
Gina Landeau Said,
June 20th, 2010 @8:01 am  

Daisha

Violnece woun’t solve anything and just produce further darma that neither of you need. Let the courts handle it…if what you say is true then he needs to have proof when he goes to court? Unfortunately kids are always a tool for some who want to get even for a spouse leaving. The fact that their relationship failed is hard to accept. But for the spouse left behind, it gets worse when the other moves on and creates a new family. The unanswered questions linger as does the anger. Continue being there for him, he going to need your supoort more then ever. This issue is not really about you or him..it is about the ex trying to hold onto to the past and being angry, because he was able to move on.

good luck
Gina Landeau

HGelloMsHeartbreak@yahoo.com

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mygif
Jason Love Said,
June 19th, 2010 @9:06 am  

This is a classic case of his baby’s mama being JEALOUS of the relationship that the two of you have. And the only way she can HURT him, is through the KIDS. So, she’s DOING that. And, it’s WORKING.

Now, MY suggestion MAY not be something you want to HEAR, but GO with it! It’s ONLY A PLAN, so if you REALLY want this to WORK, for ALL of you, hear me out.

Have him go over there BY HIMSELF, and talk to her. It’s time for your man to play on her EMOTIONS to get what he wants.

He needs to FORGET THE ANGER (or at LEAST avoid SHOWING it) and instead, just TALK to her about what she’s doing. He needs to CALMLY ask her why she’s trying to hurt him, why she’s telling the kids he doesn’t love them, why she’s trying to keep them away, etc.

But BEFORE HE DOES THIS, he needs to grab a small tape recorder, put it in his pocket, and record this conversation. Because if things go how I THINK they’ll go, his baby’s mom will break down and ADMIT that she’s trying to hurt him BECAUSE he’s with YOU. But she will ONLY ADMIT this if YOU’RE NOT AROUND, and if she THINKS he’s being SINCERE with her.

Now, I don’t know that this will necessarily be admissible in COURT, but it’s a START. He has EVIDENCE (true evidence) that she is trying PURPOSELY to hurt him by keeping the kids away, AND she’s hurting the CHILDREN in the PROCESS.

Just DON’T LET HER KNOW SHE WAS RECORDED. Not even AFTER. Just keep that a secret until you know what can be done with it.

If the courts (or anyone with any power) sees what she’s trying to do, they won’t be so quick to give her custody or let her keep it.

If you need more advice, EMAIL me:
JayTheAdviceMan@aol.com

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Shela Dean Said,
June 19th, 2010 @3:32 am  

Dear Daisha,

Boy, this is a tough one. The only thing I can say is that I applaud your and your sweetheart’s efforts to maintain a relationship with his other children. You can’t stop their mother from talking smack about him BUT he can and should continue being a part of the kids’ lives. The court is your only legal recourse. The more responsible and mature you and he are, the more likely the court proceedings are to go your way. If you and your sweetheart are being just as immature and irresponsible as you say the mother is, then (a) you’ll never the result you want, and (b) you are doing a MAJOR disservice to the children.

Shela Dean
Relationship Coach, Speaker & Bestselling Author
http://www.ShelaDean.com
http://www.FrequentForeplayMiles.com

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John Wilder Said,
June 18th, 2010 @7:41 pm  

The children’s mother is practicing Parental Alienation Syndrome. Google it and learn more about it. Then get a psychologist who has experience dealing with Parental Alienation and an attorney who has experience with Parental Alienation Syndrome and get the mother back in court and ask the judge to have the kids assessed as well as the mother for Parental Alienation Syndrome. It is his only chance.

Blessings on you and yours
John Wilder

marriagecoach1@yahoo.com

marriagecoach1.wordpress.com blog

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mygif
Anthony Hernandez Said,
June 18th, 2010 @6:19 pm  

This is a prime example of what happens when people are in a rush to get married, have kids, and “play house” without taking the time to mature as adults and as people and learn to love themselves before trying to give or receive love from others. Now you are in your mid 20s and it seems the lot of you have been spreading your genetic materials around like mayonnaise on toast.

What should you do about the custody battle? I honestly don’t know. Why did the courts give the mother back the children? What is her side of the story? What have you not told us?

I do know that the sooner the entire busload of you gets into some serious, no-punches-pulled therapy, the better.

Anthony Hernandez
http://www.theenlightenedsavage.com

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