Way to go, John, I’m sure religiously inspired ideals shoved down a suicidal man’s throat will clear him right up.

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Good lord, man, aren’t you a little old for all this drama?

Your problem is, at root, very simple: You are immature. I know this sounds harsh but the simple fact is that you identify yourself by others and not with yourself. You desire a relationship in the same way a drowning person clings to anything floating. Immature love says, “I love you because I need you.” Buy contrast, mature love says, “I need you because I love you.” Think about this carefully and you will realize that every single person in this story is living immature love.

Immature love stems from self immaturity. You cannot give what you do not have. Immature people desire security in the form of external things, and proceed to add expectations and demands and attachments in life, all to hide from the fact that A) there is no such thing as security in this life, B) they don’t know and love themselves for who they are, and C) they are painfully ignorant of human biology, opting instead to base their morality on religion that has corrupted human sexuality for its own ends.

Human beings are not monogamous for life by nature. NO species where one gender is larger than the other mates for life. Humans are at best serially monogamous and pursue a mixed reproductive strategy where they put most resources into a partner long enough to raise a kid and try to get some on the side in hopes of spreading their genes while avoiding the hassle of raising the kid. Fully 15% of children are not their father’s genetic progeny. Cuckoldry is rampant in humans. Whenever people “cheat” it is because of many millions of years of evolution and natural selection and no priest or law can hold a candle to it.

Ignorance and immaturity got you into this mess. That is the bad news. The good news is that your situation is eminently curable.

1) Learn to love yourself for yourself by yourself.

2) Lose all desire and all attachment. Learn to enjoy and give and receive freely with no conditions of expectations at all. Treat all of life like a delicious meal that will inevitably end. Embrace impermanence.

3) Understand that NOTHING is ever intrinsically good or evil; it just is. YOU decide how to interpret EVERYTHING. Remember the proverb of the Chinese farmer (http://positivitee.blogspot.com/2008/01/chinese-proverb.html) and EMBRACE it.

4) Develop the art of the “conscious interrupt” that intervenes whenever something happens and gives you the power to CONSCIOUSLY choose how to interpret the event. You are choosing, the only difference is that you are doing it without thinking. Make EVERYTHING in your life a conscious choice.

5) Learn about human biology. We may be spiritual creatures living in Brahman but we do have bodies, or at least the maya of bodies and thus knowing how those work is valuable.

6) Once you have developed 1-5, then and only then will you be ready for mature love.

There are no shortcuts and there are no substitutes for the above. It may sound like a lot of work and like a hardship… or you can choose to see it as the most joyful thing you’ve ever done. You have the power of choice.

Your relationships may be over or they may not. If you are unattached then neither will affect your well-being.

In the meantime, have as much sex as you want, just DO NOT make the mistake of trying to have a serious relationship until you have proceeded well along the path I outlined above.

Anthony Hernandez
http://www.theenlightenedsavage.com

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