Expert advice to get your relationships back on track
2009
T.I. Asked:“Is it wrong to text other people too much? My girlfriend texts all day long with her friends. It is very annoying; almost like whispering to someone all day. I feel that it’s rude to text consistently while in the company of others. It really bothers me. What do you think and is there any literature pertaining to this?”
- T.I. (24)
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Hi TI
Yes tell your gf how you feel about her texting, as you say all the time! It can be annoying as people seem to be losing the art of conversation and turning to texting for communication instead? It is especially hard if your are with friends or alone with her trying to spend quality time but she won’t let go of her phone long enough to participate in a real conversation! Communication is key and it’s not done by texting…
good luck
Gina Landeau
Hello Ms Heartbreak, I’ve been expecting you!
If you think it is rude, then ask her to stop or limit her texting while she’s with you. If she can’t, won’t, or doesn’t, then she clearly doesn’t respect you enough to be in a serious relationship with you.
Anthony Hernandez
http://www.theenlightenedsavage.com
Dear T.I.,
You have to determine for yourself if YOU consider it rude that your girlfriend texts her friends “all day long.” That it bothers you and that you characterize her texting as “too much” probably means that you do consider it rude.
You have to let her know how you feel. Talk about your own feelings, perhaps by saying something along the lines of, “When you text when we’re together I feel like our time together isn’t valuable to you.” It’s probably best not to tell her she’s rude right out, since few like to hear that.
Perhaps she’ll be willing to change her behavior, to limit her texting when the two of you spend time together. Perhaps, though, her behavior won’t change at all.
If that is the case you need to determine for yourself if that is a deal-breaker, if her current level of texting is too much for your relationship to continue.
Sincerely,
Suzanne White Montiel
SF Sex and Relationships Examiner
http://www.examiner.com/x-14163-SF-Sex-and-Relationships-Examiner
Hey TI
Yes it is very immature for your girlfriend to constantly text in your presence. I suggest that you calmly attempt to talk about it with her. Don’t be surprised if she does not react well to it. She will see it as criticism and likely want to strike back at you. You need to be prepared to give her up as a girlfriend and not take being verbally abused into silence.
You want to be with a girlfriend who is happy to be with you and give you the guy time that you need to nurture the relationship.
Best wishes
First, I would want clarification on what you mean by “constantly”, as some people may see your “constant” as not that often. But lets assume that she is texting several times an hour. I believe that we have lost our manners in this society. We have forgotten about common courtesy. It is impolite to be talking to someone and texting at the same time. Likewise, one should not be more interested in on what is on their phone than who they are with.
My next question is have you spoken to her about this issue? Have you expressed to her that you are bugged by it? Have you clearly stated something along the lines of “Honey, I would really appreciate it if you could put away your phone” or “Babe, when you are texting, I feel like you care more about the person on the other end of the line than being with me”. Maybe the two of you can find a compromise on the texting so that she can text her friends whenever she wants, but when she is with you, then you would like it to feel like she is really with you and that she wants to be with you. The long and the short of it is that if it bugs you, then you need to tell her in an assertive, not aggressive, manner. Do not be accussatory, be calm, be open, give her reasons why you feel the way you do, etc.
In regards to literatute, I am sure that someone Miss Manners, or someone like her, has written on this topic since it is such a pervasive topic.
Hope this helps.
Lori Vann, M.A., LPC-S
Shela Dean
Specialty: Relationships, Dating, Marriage, Book Author, Speaker
Location: U.S
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I talk about this in my book actually, so it’s funny that you mention it.
I don’t think women really understand how terribly RUDE that is, to be constantly texting on your cell phone while you’re supposed to be spending time with your man.
There’s all kinds of time for her to be messing around on her phone. There’s NO REASON to do it the whole time you guys are together.
Unfortunately, as I said, females see no harm in it. Which is where the problem lies.
All you can do, is ask her to stop doing it so much, since her main focus should be YOU. If that doesn’t work, you might want to “anonymously” send her a copy of my book (that way, she won’t know it came from you) and maybe she’ll get the idea. You know how women pay attention to those crazy girly magazines. So she might change her behavior if she sees it in WRITING.
Good luck.
JayTheAdviceMan@aol.com