Crystal Asked:

“Hi,
One question.
There is this guy who is 3 years older than me, goes to my college and i can tell he likes me. I see immaturity. But if he likes me, why has he been acting weird, it’s complicated. He’s texting me almost everyday and wants to know what i’m doing and what i’m upto. He want’s to constantly take me out for lunch. Yet, I can see that he acts weird as if he is jealous asking me who i am texting when i was merely looking up music one day when i accepted. I told him that i have to know someone very well for at least more than a year to see if there could be something more and he replied Hm.. i think it’s worth it.

Okay.. so i think he is a jerk because it seems he is playing games with me as of stating “I’m going to my friends house she’s my coworker” and texting me at 1250am “just got home.” and so forth when i have turned him down softly because i had plans. Yet he still constantly keeps wanting to go out with me, I told him as “friends” and he told my girlfriend it was sort of a date. Eh… so much to say. But i wanted to ask why is this guy playing ? I believe he’s trying to make me jealous because he is ? It’s weird though i’ve only met him 5 times. I don’t know. But jealousy games dont’ work with me they only piss me off and make me want him stop talking to me. I’m not that type of girl that plays games. What do you think of this situation?”

- Crystal

Our Experts Responded:

Dear Crystal,

You sound like a very perceptive young lady. You have analyzed your problem very well, and seem to be on the verge of finding the right answer to your own question. You obviously don’t respect the young man who has been badgering you, and rightly so. From the way you describe him, he seems obsessively bent on controlling you, and control freaks are very dangerous. He is probably, as you have suggested, very jealous. You are wise to want to get to know a person before agreeing to any kind of relationship with him. This man wants to take over your life and do it as quickly as possible. Gaining you as his girlfriend will blow up his ego sky high. You are very reluctant to persue this relationship, and as well you should be. You said you were “pissed off” and I can understand that. I would be, too, in your situation. Since you have no tolerance for people who play “jealousy games”, as you mentioned yourself, the solution to your problem is obvious to me. Just get rid of him, and the sooner, the better.

All the best,
Dr. Leonard Rosmarin
Author of Getting Enough

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Dear Crystal,

You are just not that into him, yet you not only keep letting him play these games with you but return the favor to boot. Forgive me, but just who is being immature here? Life is too short for this silliness. Ignore him. Don’t return his texts, don’t talk to him, nothing. He’ll go away and both of you will be much better off.

- Anthony Hernandez

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Dear Crystal,

I think that if this type of behavior only makes you want to stop talking to him, then you would stop talking to him.

It seems that you might be sharing some probable feeling for this guy since you are reaching out for advice on how to handle him and his jealousy.

The guy is obviously getting to you. If his immaturity really turned you off like you say, he would no longer be an issue. At all.

So ask yourself, Crystal, “If this type of behavior would normally make me stop talking to a guy, why is this guy able to get to me the way he does?” Answer that question and it will cause one of two things to happen. You will either realize that you like this guy (or something about him) and keep dealing with his BS, or you will realize that you’ve already dealt with it too long, and you have no more time for immaturity.

I hope you make the right choice for your sake, Crystal.

- Jason Love

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Dear Crystal,

What you feel may not be love. Frankly the fact that he shows some signs of jealousy early on is not good! Being in college he has alot of new opportunities. If I were you I would spend more time perusing someone who doesn’t want to play games! You say you have already seen too much evidence of it! Then mind the red flags girl and move on!

- Gina Landeau
Hello Ms Heartbreak, I’ve Been Expecting You!

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Dear Crystal,

It is not as complicated as you are making this out to be. You have described a guy who is an immature, jealous, possessive jerk who pursues multiple women.  Does this sound like a person you would recommend to a good friend?  Of course not – so simply stop texting this guy, stop replying to his texts and get a clearer idea of what you do want in a future relationship.  I assure you, when you take charge of the type of person you want to attract and treat yourself with dignity, then you will see a huge change in your social circle.

- Nancy Pina

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