You flirt because you are a normal young adult woman with a healthy sex drive. This is a good thing. Sex is a good, healthy thing no matter what your parents and religious “leaders” have told you. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

The only question here is why you feel your relationship is by definition better than not having it and why you feel the urge to be in a serious long-term relationship when every instinct in your body is telling you to go out and live your life to the fullest. You are far too young to be tied up in entanglements like this.

Go out. Flirt. If you feel like doing more than flirting, then do it (with proper precautions, of course). Travel. Explore yourself and your world without limits. Study. Learn. Do. Be. Then, when you have figured out who you are and what really matters–which you cannot possibly have already done–settle down with someone who complements you fully.

Anthony Hernandez
http://www.theenlightenedsavage.com

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Dear Alisha,

While it is normal from the perspective that our physical instincts are drawn to and desire to flirt with people we consider highly attractive, I believe it is a behavior can refrain from – if you want to.

One question you may want to ask yourself is what needs are not being met in your current long-term relationship in which you are drawn to these experiences? If you were truly fulfilled emotionally, spiritually and physically you would not bring these situations into your life. Of course that does not mean you have to stop being a friendly person to others, but it appears that you take it a step beyond and for that moment act as if you are single and available. Thus the guilt sets in and you feel as if you are cheating on your significant other.

It is my belief that once you open these small doors in your mind and say that this is acceptable behavior within a committed relationship, then you will quite possibly move that line even more in the future. From all my coaching experience over the past 25 years, people end up having emotional affairs and then physical affairs by first telling themselves that it is okay to engage in these “harmless” conversations with others.

I encourage you to look at the larger picture of your life goals and evaluate what it is that you want from your current relationship. I encourage you to have an honest conversation about how you want to feel in this relationship – instead of looking for that gratification and emotional high elsewhere.

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Dear Alisha,

First, nothing is abnormal. If your way of behaving exists, it is part of normality. Feeling guilty has two reasons to be: it is part of our upbringing or civilization on the one hand and on the other hand you love your boyfriend so much that you have are uncomfortable each time you flirt with another man. You call him ‘beau’, wow he must be very handsome but with time you will realize there are other features you like even more in him and then maybe you won’t need to cheat anymore. Why not talk together about this irrestible attraction to other men? Maybe he is going through the same thing with women himself and he is feeling guilty as well. Being frank is a plus in a couple. Don’t worry too much and talk together. Life is to be enjoyed.
marianne

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