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mygif
July 13th, 2009 @9:22 pm  

Hi Jina

Wow there is something going on but it is not that easy to pinpoint with the information you have provided? I do agree that spousal abuse is not just limited to physical action! If your husband has turned you into a stay at home wife? You have lost contact with your friends because he didn’t like them? He has effectively tied you to the home and keeps those closess to you away! This can be a controlling kind of behavior and his moodiness maybe to the fact that he may no longer be happy in the home? There are unlimited reasons as to why he is being moody?

The obsession with the young man next door is also not easy to indentify? Whether your husband is gay or not is not easily answered? Unless you know for a fact the neighbor is a gay man? It may just come down to being with the boys versus facing the reality of running a household and taking care of his wife? He may want the freedom that a single man enjoys and in the process is destroying your family unit.

Try communicating with your husband about your concerns? If he is unwilling to communicate? Then I am afraid your marriage maybe coming to an end? The fact that he no longer wants sexual relations and add that to the rest of your story…it just doesn’t look good! If he won’t talk to you? I certainly hope that you have someone that can talk to him about his shameful behavior toward you?

Don’t accept less then what you deserve…make a stand and try to communicate with him. Be a strong woman and if you love him? Fight for him! Don’t feel helpless about your situation! You are in control of your own life, you just have to be brave enough to make the necessary changes to renew your marriage and move forward with integrity!

Good Luck

Gina Landeau
Hello Ms Heartbreak, I’ve been expecting you!

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mygif
July 13th, 2009 @8:39 am  

Dear Jina,
Your husband has a lot of issues, the least of which may be his sexual orientation. Could he be gay? Anyone could be, but you don’t know how he spends time next door. He may be escaping his responsibilities agt home by watching TV with the neighbor and his parents — nothing sexual involved.

Even if your husband were gay and closeted (hiding his orientation), it wouldn’t excuse his behavior toward you. He’s a bully, and that’s what you need to focus on.

The way your husband has isolated you from the outside world sounds like the classic early sign of domestic abuse. Many people mistakenly think that if there’s no hitting, there’s no abuse. Not so. Emotional/psychological abuse can be just as damaging. I highly recommend that you seek out a counselor, therapist, or women’s assistance center to talk with someone with expertise in this area. If you can’t locate resources locally, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

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mygif
July 12th, 2009 @8:25 pm  

Wow. I’ve never heard of anything like this before. I guess maybe it’s a POSSIBILITY. But, there are NUMEROUS possibilities as to why this may be happening:

A) Your husband IS interested in this guy (as MORE than just a buddy) just like you suspected.

B) You’re annoying him (not on purpose, but he feels that way) and his friend is someone he can vent to, while having an excuse not to be around you.

C) Maybe they talk to other women together (not likely though)

Honestly, I’d need a few more details about this problem.

How does he react when you two argue about the guy next door?
Does he give an EXPLANATION as to why he likes being over there so much?
Or does he just ignore you?

Also, how do you think he would react if you went back to work? What would he say if you started going OUT? Do you think he’d be upset b/c you weren’t HOME, or just upset b/c you’re not there to watch the KIDS while he’s next DOOR? lol, I’m curious.

Anyway, respond with some answers to these questions so I can assist you further.

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mygif
July 12th, 2009 @7:24 pm  

Whether he is gay or not makes no difference whatsoever. The fact remains that your relationship has some serious issues that can only be resolved if both of you are on board and committed to resolving them. He clearly is not committed to resolving them.

You are 33 and have been with him for 15 years. This means that you got married at 17, which means you married far too young before having the age and wisdom to truly know yourself and know what you want from life. You went from one dependent relationship (parental) straight into another and have never had the chance to be your own person. Presumably, he did the same thing. You were young and “in love” and suffering from the universal teenage delusion that everything is permanent. It isn’t.

The sooner you let this relationship go and focus on being your own woman and let him focus on being his own man, the better. All the advice you may get about trying to save the relationship is misleading because it assumes A) that you can do it alone (you can’t) and B) that saving the relationship must be the best thing to do (staying in a relationship is not always the best thing to do).

Divorce can be a wonderful, liberating thing for both of you, an act that actually makes you better friends and parents. Approach it that way, insist on getting a fair settlement, and you will be MUCH happier.

Anthony Hernandez
http://www.theenlightenedsavage.com

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