Dear Sian,

Love is good moments to be enjoyed and shared with someone. In your case the relationship with your boyfriend had become a pain: a mix of arguments and fights. Honestly, you did the right thing. Breaking up is not the easiest thing to do in life but if you start wondering why you should go on with your partner, it already means you are not happy with him or her. Two years isn’t a lifetime. You were very brave in choosing for a change and I am convinced you can look back on this two-year span as an experience. Sometimes we choose a person because he/she is the type of person we are usually attracted to without wondering why we are attracted to this very sort of person. Actually we tend to have difficulties in analyzing our own needs because they were forced upon us by those who raised us and society. You definitely need a break through, a person who will give you a better feeling. Take some time to think things over now, to understand why you were attracted by him. Are terrorism and fights your thing? There a re two possible answers to such a question: yes and no. If terrorism and fights are your thing: it only means you were raised in such an atmosphere and haven’t succeeded in believing something else is possible. If you are looking for harmony, well then this boyfriend was only a mistake on your life path and you will find another one soon who really fits you and will give you a deep feeling of well being. I keep my fingers crossed you will meet him soon. Go ahead!
Enjoy the Day!
marianne

Like or Dislike: 1  0

Dear Sian,

I’m sorry you’re having to go through this, but it seems like you’ve already reached the awareness that you are better off without this guy. Even when we understand it isn’t working and we know what is best for us, it is still hard to take comfort in that and act accordingly.

Unfortunately, we can’t make anyone understand something that seems so obvious. You’re right that he needs to wake up, and you might just feel like shaking him to his senses, but we cannot control others’ behaviors, only our own. That’s why I’d suggest that you let him go, and let him come to the realization of what he’s lost on his own. Regardless, YOU know he’s acting childish, and now that you’re broken up and have seen his behavior, I hope this can reaffirm for you that the relationship was not right for you. It is not your responsibility to make him see how immature and ridiculous he’s acting, you can only control how you respond. And I think the best way to go about that is to not give in to his antics, which are unfair to you. It is unacceptable after a long-term relationship to try and keep you around while simultaneously saying that it’s over. It’s not only selfish, but it’s also dishonorable to the relationship you had, which should be able to be valued for what it was, and then let it end in a way that is as diginified as possible. He cannot have both–being together and being broken up–and do not let him have both! Make up YOUR mind that it’s over, and don’t respond to his texts and calls, even though it can be difficult, it looks like you’re going to have to take on the adult role, step up, and move on.

Of course, moving on and getting over him will be the hard part, especially when he keeps you hanging on with these lovey texts. The best you can do to move on is the old standby–occupy your time with positive things in your life, and do the things that make you happy on your own. Join clubs, work out, be with friends, read, write, etc.–whatever it is that you do that makes you feel best and productive, do it. You’ll be stronger, more independent, and happier than ever for when the next man comes along, one who deserves you! And if your ex doesn’t feel like he’s missed out after that, than he is in denial and an idiot, but most importantly, none of that will matter anymore, since it will be totally and completely over.

Hope this helped, best of luck, and let me know if you have any more questions!

Rachel Goldberg
Amateur Love Expert
ragoldbe@indiana.edu

Like or Dislike: 0  0

Dear Sian,
It appears that you have made the best out of the situation and chose the correct path for getting on with your life. You are right that your ex-boyfriend’s actions are baffling and it is not fair to you or the memory of what you had together to continue this type of contact. Every time he communicates with you, he is sending a message that he is thinking about you and regrets his decision. It also allows you to go back in time and wonder what if things had been different.

Even though you have made much mental and emotional progress towards moving forward, I understand how difficult it is to hear his voice and then wonder what happened to that relationship. I do encourage you to keep on this path and do not look to the past for your future. If anything, his behavior offers you another glimpse into his true character.

If he loved you, he would stop texting you with these remarks and really let you go. However, you can take further control of your life and block his text messages from now on. It may seem extreme, but you need to send a clear message that he cannot come in and out of your life when he feels lonely.

This relationship was a chapter in your life in which you can learn from and grown emotionally and spiritually. You can take these lessons into your next serious relationship and build on a better foundation for lasting love. I know you believe that arguments are normal in relationships, but constant bickering is not a healthy sign. I hope that you will look back and assess what you experienced … true differences of opinions in which you were trying to come to an agreeable compromise or bickering. In my experience as a relationship coach, the positive times together need to outweigh the negative.

Lastly, I encourage you to reconsider living together prior to marriage with anyone in the future. Although it appears that you have a very positive and well adjusted attitude towards life and relationships, crossing this line without the commitment of marriage opens you up to potential heartbreak and pain that may be very difficult to overcome.

Best regards,

Nancy Pina
Relationship expert & Author
http://www.rightrelationshipstv.com

Like or Dislike: 0  0