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July 12th, 2009 @7:26 pm  

If your boyfriend is too (insert adjective here) to see what is going on and if he does not deal with it (or deals with it by ending the relationship) then clearly he is not the right person for you. The ball is in his court; tell him what’s going on, offer non-malicious explanations, and then see what he does. How he handles this situation will tell you all you need to know about the health of all the relationships involved here.

Anthony Hernandez

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July 6th, 2009 @5:07 pm  

Hi Sally,

You stated that your boyfriend’s ex-wife is not your favorite person – well, they almost never are.

What all parties need to remember is that your boyfriend’s son is not necessarily lying to anyone. What he is doing is trying to protect and please both his parents feelings. He might be telling his mom his doesnt like the living arrangements because he does not want her to think he is “choosing” you over her. He tells his dad what he thinks his dad wants to hear because he does not want to hurt his father’s feelings. My professional guess is that this child is feeling triangulated between what he believes to be his parents feelings. It is, in fact, admirable that this child is trying to do what he believes to be the right thing by both his parents -and that is to protect their feelings.

Therefore, mom and dad need to communicate about the living arrangements and not further triangulate this child. Furthermore, it would be a mistake to put this child on the spot, since he may not, in fact, truly understand his feelings completely anyway. It is critical; however, to keep the lines of communication open with this child regarding his feelings on all situations in his life.

Finally, I strongly suggest you do not put your boyfriend in the quandry of having to choose between his son and youself. That rarely works out for the adult!

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July 4th, 2009 @1:39 pm  

Dear Sally

I think it is best for you to have a very long talk with your BF about this issue. The mom is certainly trying to stir things up and make him think twice about moving in with you. Unfornanutely, the kids are always used as bargaining chips when parents separate! How old are the kids? What kind of relationship do you have with them?

He is their father and I would ultimately leave the decision to him as to communicating with his child and finding out the real truth. The she said…he said game can be a real strain on a relationship. So the sooner things are worked out the better for all involved! Be sure that as make your own family unit that you do things together as a family. Creating a bond with game nights, movie nights, etc…let’s the child know that he is not forgotten because dad has a new GF and that he is an important part of your new family.

The mom will always have hopes that one day he will come to his senses and come back home to her and what was? But this is not so easily determined because you make no mention of how they broke up or when? How soon did he begin dating you after they divorced ro separated?

All in all, communication with the child is essential! Dad needs to have a heart to heart talk with the kids.It might not be a bad idea for dad, you and the kids to sit down and talk about their concerns? Let them know that you support them and are willing to listen to what they have to say.

Gina Landeau
Hello Ms Heartbreak, I’ve been expecting you!

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July 4th, 2009 @7:21 am  

Dear Sally,
First of all, as a parent your boyfriend’s main priority is making sure that he is providing an emotionally stable, loving home environment. Obviously the child feels stuck in the middle … wanting to please both parents and saying what he believes they want to hear.

As with many divorces, the child feels as if the break up was somehow their “fault” and will vow to be good from now on. And sometimes in a young child’s eyes, saying things that they do not feel in order to gain the approval of each parent is the right thing to do.

That said I believe it would be wise for you to figure out where you want this relationship to go. His son and ex-wife are part of the package and with a child involved, it is paramount that you sit down and define your relationship and mutual goals. Living together and seeing what happens is not the best choice for you, for your boyfriend or for his son.

I understand that you do not want your boyfriend to break up with you because of what his son has said, but try to place yourself in his position. One of your goals as a couple should be to bring as much peace and harmony into your life as a family, so his son feels loved, welcomed, and secure.

Of course there is no way to control what his mother says, but as a couple you can present a good relationship role model for him. The decision you need to make is where you see your life with this man going and working together to make that vision a reality.

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Talent Said,
July 3rd, 2009 @12:51 am  

Well first off, how old is his son?

Secondly, how do you know he told his mom that he’s not happy living with you? Maybe that’s just the MOTHER trying to stir up TROUBLE by SAYING he told her that. She could be LYING.

I’d say that the only way to really get to the bottom of this, would be to have your boyfriend SIT DOWN with his son, and say “Listen, man. It’s ok if you have a problem living here with me & Sally. You’re not gonna hurt my feelings. I just wanna know how you truly feel, so that nobody’s unhappy. Whoever you wanna live with, is fine with me.”

Then, wait for the son’s ANSWER, after your boyfriend lifts the PRESSURE off. See what he says, THEN make your next move.

Good luck.

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