Samantha Asked:

“Me and my boyfriend broke up about 3 months ago and i still have the same feelings for him and stuff and he doesnt like me at all anymore, in fact he hates me & we once loved each other and we were both our firsts and everything, and now he hates me and i’m not sure what to do about it. All my friends think he still likes me. Please help me i’m not sure what to do!”

- Samantha

Our Experts Responded:

Dear Samantha,

3 months from now you will wake up and wonder why you stressed over this guy? I would encourage to let it go and find new friends and guys to hang out with! There are lots of good catches out there for you to worry about the one who got away! The fact that he acts like he hates you…is not really your problem my dear ,but his! We always are blaming ourselves, and thinking it’s about me when in reality…It is his problem, his loss…don’t waste anymore time on him and I bet he will start seeing you with new eyes and by then…you will not care what he thinks!

- Gina Landeau
Hello Ms. Heartbreak, I’ve Been Expecting You!

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Dear Samantha,

At age 14, it seems like love is forever until the heartbreak sets in at which point you can’t see ever getting past it. Having been there and done that myself many years ago, I can only promise you that the heartache will fade with time and you will eventually be able to laugh about it. Therefore, the sooner you start by letting go of this experience and moving on without resentment or regret, the better you will feel. That’s a promise.

- Anthony Hernandez

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Dear Samantha:

I am sorry that your first true boyfriend broke your heart.  But the truth is, people typically do not break up with people that they want to be with.  You should find a way to move on, and you do not want to ever be with someone if they do not want to be with you.  You are young and have a lot going for you.  If you dedicate your time to a new hobby or a club, or other interest, you will find that you will meet other people who like the same things as you.  If you have a full life and are content, you will radiate confidence  – and that, without a doubt is what attracts men!  Not chasing after them like a wounded puppy.

I know it is hard, but you really need to move on, and find yourself, and find joy in your own life.  Do what you like, and you will feel great. And remember, don’t ever lose yourself in someone else.  Women who golf because they have to, because their boyfriends golf are not happy.  Women who golf because they love to golf, are happy.  See the difference?

Good luck to you!

- Dawn Antonis

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Dear Samantha,

Before asking us what to do, there are a few questions you should ask of yourself. Then, perhaps, you’ll be able to solve your problem yourself. The first questions you should ask yourself is: Why does he hate you? What have you done to change the love he supposedly felt for you to hostility? What were the circumstances of your break-up? Another question: Is this hatred real, or are you exaggerating just to get sympathy? After all, you said yourself that your friends don’t think he hates you. Third question: Has he found some one else he likes better? Perhaps this explains his indifference to you now. Fourth question: If, as you maintain, he hates you, why should you bother with him? After all, you’re only 14 years old. You have your whole life ahead of you. The first person we fall in love with, or think we are in love with, is rarely—very rarely–the person with whom we have a genuine loving relationship. This brings me to the fifth and final question: “Was it really love you felt for one another or just a physical attraction, a kind of puppy love that can come one day, and disappear the next? If you answer all these questions honestly, I think you will be well on your way to resolving your dilemma. I think that at this point in time he neither loves you nor hates you, but is no longer interested in you. So why don’t you just drop the subject and find another guy who will really care about you, not just for a few months, but for a long time. Or rather, why not just stop worrying about falling in love at your young age and just enjoy life?

All the best
- Dr. Leonard Rosmarin
Author of the novel Getting Enough

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Samantha,

At this age it’s better to realize that you can not rely on your friends for anything. In the real estate business, we have a saying. “Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear”. The quicker you move on, the quicker you’ll have a chance with him again.  Plus you’re so young that it’s safe to say that you haven’t met enough people to really know what you want. You may know what you want right now but as you change so will your needs and attractions.

- Bill

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Dear Samantha,

One thing I have come to find out is that people who are in love or loves someone when they are angry seem to always want to punish the person that hurt them even when that person loves them as much as they do! More importantly what is needed to be said is the best plan of action..we need to distinguish what caused the breakup in the first place. Also life is too short and valuable! Being young you must  know you have your whole life ahead of you and there are millions of men possibly waiting for you. Never spend too much time thinking about a person who makes it obvious he doesn’t care about you like you do him! And in terms of your relationships, your friends are not in yours nor do they know the feelings of your loved one like you do unless they actually dated him also! Let your heart decided what to do! Regardless of what’s going on or what happened, if the love is there and it’s strong then through it all even if you begin dating someone else. He will come find you! So start looking for love elsewhere…date other people! If a guy wants a woman, he will make it obvious and he will make it his goal to find you and try to win you! That’s just male logic! And the best thing about that is if he decides not to come after you, you will be already on your way to finding love with someone else.

- Brandon Hankins

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Samantha,

Come on young lady, really?  First off let me say that you are sexually active way too early.  You haven’t yet begun to live and take care of your self.  Focus on your future, the decisions you make now will follow you for the rest of your life.  Sex, to me, is reserved for people who are married and in love.

You may not like what I am going to say, but it sounds like once you gave yourself to your mate sexually, he lost all desire.  Let me tell you the rules to the game if you are determined to play it.  I know this suggestion will be hard but…let him go.  There is not much you can do about how people feel, emotions are mostly voluntary or by choice.  Write it off as a lesson learned and move on.  If you love him and he doesn’t love you back, you are wasting your valuable time trying to rekindle something that will never be; plus you’ll eventually get hurt.  Move on, if he is serious about you, he will come back around.  You are more valuable than you know, don’t short change yourself.  ALL men are after your body first and your intellect second, so if you know this give him intellect first and your body only after he marries your intellect.  Allow him to love you for who you are on the inside first, then the rest will follow.  You and your jewels are precious, you don’t give precious things away to people you hardly know.  Make men work for the key to your treasure chest.  Even if you don’t marry and you are still keeping yourself from sexually giving in too early, you can expect your long-term curter quality to drastically increase.  If you can find a man that does not mind abstaining from sex and just enjoys being around you for who you are, you have found what you are looking for.  Self esteem and knowing what your limits and boundaries are will go a long way in safe guarding your emotions and equipping you for the future.  You just need to know what you are and aren’t willing to tolerate.  What you do and don’t like.  What you will and won’t do. And let your courters know these things up front.  I hope this helped, keep me posted.  God Bless.

- Cinique

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