Sandra Asked:

“This guy i know has been interested in me for years. about 2 years ago we became more friendly he always made me laugh . he chatted me up knowing i have a bf but we never got together. then 4 months ago his sister accused me of lots that was so untrue since then he acts like he wants to kill me he gives me dirty looks every time he sees me. it’s scary he looks at me with this evil glare and dirty smirk hes usually not the type to get involved in our arguments . me and his sister have had quite a few arguments over the years but he’d always still keep out now hes acting weird. did i hurt his feelings that i was unaware of or does he want to kill me its so outta control please help ”

- Sandra

Our Experts Responded:

Dear Sandra,

It seems like this could be a very volatile situation. His sister seems to be stirring up a world of trouble for you and projecting her anger to her brother to do something about it. I gather that at one time, you could sit and have a conversation with this guy? If so, I would meet in a public place and just talk to him and try to find out where his anger is coming from? If you don’t feel safe in doing this, try asking a buddy of his to intercede on your behalf and try to find out what he is thinking.

I cannot stress how important communication is whether it is with a friend, a sibling, an ex, etc…The question is will he listen and truly understand your words. If he is angry because of what his sister has been telling him, either true or untrue, he may not be open to listening to you no matter what you do! In that case…keep your distance and be aware of when he is around and tell your friends of your feelings of fear, so others can be watchful for any signs of threat to your safety!

This could be just one big misunderstanding due to your arguements with his sister. But you have to be careful and try not to create any further drama with his sister or him! Please let others around you know that you are fearful and stay safe!

- Gina Landeau
Hello Ms Heartbreak, I’ve been expecting you!

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Dear Sandra,

Who knows? More importantly, who cares? If you feel that you may be at any risk of harm from either of these people (and I use the term loosely here) then you need to take steps to protect yourself, which may include calling the authorities. Whether or not this is the case (and I truly hope it isn’t) the fact remains that this guy is not and never was a true friend to you. A true friend would know the difference between truth and lies and would stand up for what’s right, even with their own relatives. Anyone who simply believes an accusation without analyzing the facts for him/herself at the cost of a friendship was never a true friend to begin with. The sooner you cut this jerk and his loudmouth of a sister out of your life and move on, the better.

- Anthony Hernandez

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Sandra,

It sounds like a lack of communication on both you and his parts.  Why wonder about his looks?  Ask him, straight out, what the problem is.  Talk about all standing issues because this is the cornerstone of all lasting relationships.  It has been said, never let the sun set on your anger; which means don’t let a day go by where you don’t resolve your issues.  If your friendship means a lot to you this is a must move for you.  I hope this helped.  Keep me posted.  God bless.

- Cinique

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Dear Sandra:

The root of your problem with this man is obviously his sister. I have no way of knowing what the conflict is between you and her since you have not supplied any information on that subject. What is clear, however, is that she has poisoned your relationship with this guy to the point that he appears intensely hostile to you. The way I see it, you have two options. You can simply consider the relationship as being finished, view it as an unpleasant part of your past, and move on to a happy one with someone else. Or, if you want to show generosity, you could approach him and suggest that you both have a long talk about what is plaguing your friendship. Ask him if you inadvertently hurt his feelings (you seem to view this as a possibility), and what you can do to show him how sorry you are. Above all, ask him why he shows so much anger and hatred towards you now. Ask him if his sister has been filling his mind with false stories about you. Once you have had this discussion, you’ll have a much better idea of where you stand. If he refuses to have this heart-to-heart talk with you, then it would be best to just drop him and view this relationship as a dead end. Why suffer needlessly?

The best of luck to you
- Dr. Leonard Rosmarin
Author of the novel Getting Enough

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