Megan Asked:

“Hi, okay, so I really really like this guy in my class, he’s like the popular guy and the one who has the girls swooning. About six years ago we were the best friends in the world and we never were apart from each other. Somehow we grew apart but lately he has reached out to me. We weren’t even speaking at all to each other. One day he came to me and said, “hey you know, I really wish we could be the way we were before.” I thought he was sweet because he wanted to be friends again but things lately have me confused. One day he imed me and we spent six hours talking!! He told me he was really excited when we started school because we had classes together but that he was sad because we didn’t really reconnect. Since that day he started texting me every night. One day he just sent me “hey how you doing platonic love?” and I was like what?! I told him “I’m sorry I think you’re confused this is megan” and he said “no, you’ve been my platonic love since six years ago.” then he started calling me love, baby, girlfriend but I knew it was joking. He was just playing so I really didn’t pay attention to it. Then in classes he started sitting next to me and I would always catch him staring at me, and when I looked at him he would flash me a smile and even if I looked away he would keep staring at me. Sometimes he would walk to me and shake my hand but wouldnt let go immediately. One day I was walking with my friend at school and one of his friends pushed him so that he would bump into me. It didn’t happen though. And everytime he talks to me or is with me one of his girl friends who is also a good friend of mine starts giggling.

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Confused Asked:

“My boyfriend and I met off of a dating website and have been together for 10 months now. I have never felt this way about anyone and am completely in love with this man. We moved in together after 5 months of dating and I have been in heaven. He has many female friends which I have not been threatened by due to I was confident in our relationship. His phone does go off constantly and he is very protective of his phone due to his past but again I have been confident with my place in our relationship and was not concerned, annoyed yes but not jealous. Recently I found out that he has been on craigslist searching the personal ads and talking to other women stating he wanted to get to know them etc. He says it is a need to window shop like all guys do but this hurt me so bad and rocked my confidence in who I was in our relationship. He states he has not met up with anyone but he just talks to them and does advise them he has a girlfriend. He says that it is innocent and he always comes home to me and if nothing else talking to these other women pushes him closer to me. He admitted that he has a low self esteem (which is beyond me because he is absolutely gorgeou) and has a need to window shop and know he is attractive to other women but that he is completely in love with and devoted to me. I have heard of similar issues with male friends of mine who have the need to flirt etc but that wasn’t in my relationship. Now that it is, I am very concerned and don’t really know how to take this. Does this mean he is not happy with me or that I am not good enough, or is this something a lot of men just do? Why do men feel the need to flirt and get attention from other women when they are supposedly in love with someone else…is this innocent or is this leading up to me being cheated on? Please also noted that my boyfriend is 9yrs older than me and recently lost his business due to the economy and is on depression meds while fighting his ex for child custody of their 8yr old daughter. So he has a lot going on in his world but has shown me and told me over and over that he was not expecting to ever find a woman like me and he doesn’t feel he deserves a woman like me. I am just so confused on how to handle this and what to do. I am really on the fence with it and just don’t understand it???”

- Confused (29, TX)

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Scott Asked:

“My wife told me she wants out. That she doesn’t love me anymore. We have been married for 18 yrs and I don’t want to lose her. We have been getting more distant and have not made love in over 6 months. I also have control issues which I’m getting help for as well. For a long time I haven’t felt loved wanted or needed. but I love her more then anything and want her not to shut me out. She also said shes done and doesn’t want to work on our marriage at all. I don’t know where to start on how to get her to change her mind if I can at all.”

- Scott (51, Hernando, FL)

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Many times I have discussed the value of effective communication. Having worked with couples in intimate relationships for over twenty-five years, it is my passionate belief that the way we communicate with ourselves, and others, ultimately determines the overall quality of our lives! No where is effective communication more important than in our intimate relationships; yet, it is still a struggle for many of us.

There are times when we absolutely unequivocally believe we communicated our message to our partner – only to end up in a never-ending battle that I refer to as the: “he said/she said” scenario. This battle gets played out something like this. One partner says: “I told you about that” (whatever “that” may be) to which the other partner responds: “No you didn’t”. Then the other partner responds back: “Yes I did”. “No – you did not”. “Yes – I most certainly did”. Well … you get the point.

What is going on for couples engaged in this type of communication battle is the fact that although words might have been exchanged – no message was ever communicated! In other words, just because we say something to each other, it does not mean we have communicated anything.

These couples are forgetting to use the #1 secret needed for effective communication!

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The San Francisco Giants just made it to the World Series. Imagine doing that without great coaching. Imagine becoming The Biggest Loser sans Jillian Michaels. Yoyo Ma became the world’s greatest cellist by studying with the best teachers. Warren Buffett became a billionaire with mentoring from one of the shrewdest investors ever born.  The amazing Taylor Swift has a brilliant producer. No one becomes excellent in anything without being coached by others.

Think of the many ways you’re coached: on your softball or volleyball team, through guitar or watercolor lessons, in a weight loss or fitness program, through your church’s ministry, by a senior supervisor or business coach, through watching a cooking how-to show, and the list goes on. You eagerly accept such coaching because it provides the instruction, feedback, and support you need to excel. We all “get it” that no matter how naturally gifted one may be, it takes coaching to turn that gift into excellence. Well, we get it except when it comes to our relationship where, paradoxically, we expect to get it right with little to no help.

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Hello there, I hope you can help me,

I live in Ireland and I met a girl a few weeks ago whom I like. I asked her out and she said she couldn’t ‘cause she has a child and couldn’t get a sitter, so she invited me around to her place where we had a great night. The next day she cooked me dinner and I met her daughter who I got on great with, and the girl was shocked ‘cause she said her daughter never bonds with men like she did with me. Then over a week ago she went to Australia for four weeks with her family.

Before she left I was initiating all the conversation via text but she was replying straight back to me, and when it took her a while to reply she apologised for the delay. I assumed she wanted me to do the chasing because she has a child and she’s only out of a relationship a couple of months. She also asked me to help her out with something when she got back and also said she wanted to go out on a proper date with me. On the day she was leaving she was texting me right up until she got on the plane….Then I didn’t hear from her for a couple of days, and last Sunday she sent me a message via Facebook saying hello and letting me know that her phone wouldn’t work. I replied to her message and didn’t hear back, so I sent her a message on Friday again via Facebook only because it was her birthday—a humourous message, not a serious one. Now I’ve seen she’s been on Facebook since and has thanked everybody for the birthday wishes but she has not replied to my mail. Should I forget about her or am I reading too much into the situation and should I just wait for her to come home?

Please help!!

Regards

Mark

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If you think your date may be lying to you, she probably is.  One of the most common mistakes men make is to ignore the warnings signs that their date isn’t telling the truth. Failing to recognize some signs she is lying may mean you end up regretting the time you wasted dating her in the first place.

The fact is that we all tell small white lies, usually to prevent another person from getting hurt.

Sheila an expert on East Indian Dating advises “If your date is crossing the line into more complex lying habits you really should pay attention.  You can always call her out but first you have to recognize the simple signs that her story does not add up.”

Your Date May Be Lying If:

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Charles Asked:

“My wife says that she was born gay not bi but gay and really believes it. She cant turn off her attraction to girls but she says she loves me and only me. My question is whether or not she can really love me if she believes she was born gay and will our relationmship last?”

- Charles (26, Killeen,TX)

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Radius Asked:

“Is She Interested Or Just Stuck I Friend Zone? I met a real cute girl almost two months ago through my cousin. That night I got home I had a friend request on facebook it was the girl. She invited me out that night but I Couldn’t go and she said she would invite me next time. We started texting each other and one day she asked me to describe myself. My cousin decided to ask her bout me and she said we are just friends and she likes talking 2 me.I figured I should give up and while walking through the hangout area in college she texted me asking me “where am you going looking so bored” and when I walked back through later she texted me saying “there you go again”. A Month ago was my birthday she texted me happy birthday on my facebook before it was even midnight. She told me she hopes I come to school so she can hug me .While headed home I got a call and it was her telling me that she sees me and to wait for her. She then hugged me and said she saw me before but that I walk 2 fast and she didn’t want to look stupid running.

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Chris Asked:

“Sorry for the other question, ok so here’s the quick story, im with her since August 11, we broke up in first days of September after she told me to break up (she told me to break up to make out with someone she loved long time ago), Next day she left him and told him to never talk to her again and returned to me crying and telling me to be with her again and she changed and will never do it again, a week later i got her back, she tells me everyday how much she loves me etc, she keeps telling me to (it’s something that we do before marriage, don’t know how its called, we give each other rings and something like that)…but i can’t ask her if our relationship will last because im shy. i love her sooo much thats the reason i got her back etcc, so im asking you, will my relationship last? thank you very much and if you need something to ask me etc contact me because im confused atm, thank you so much.”

- Chris (16, Athens)

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