Holly Asked:

“How do I tell if he loves me ?”

- Holly (16, united kingdom)

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Christy Asked:

“How do I change my bad habit of sabotaging a relationship with a wonderful man that loves me so much? I tend to push my feelings away or compartmentalize them. I think it has a lot to do with my parents traumatic relationship when I was young.”

- Christy (47, Woodbury, MN US)

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Waxing poetic on the subject of love and marriage, Kahlil Gibran in The Prophet said, “Let there be spaces in your togetherness.” Gibran is not suggesting that couples take an occasional breather from each other (although that might be a good idea, too). In beautiful, lyrical language Gibran reminds us not to lose ourselves in our relationship, but to maintain our individuality, and that by doing so we are stronger as a couple.

The passage includes this, “And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart . . .” I would happily trade a valuable body part for the ability to write like Gibran but no one has offered that deal so I’m stuck with elaborating in my far less lyrical way. “Togetherness” is not about being joined at the hip. “Togetherness” is about the emotional and mental bond that connects you and, like the pillars of the temple, supports your relationship even when you are physically separated. It’s the reservoir of strength you draw on when you need to be strong. It’s the hand at your back when you need encouragement. It’s the well of confidence you tap into when your self-belief wavers.

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It is the most interesting thing when couples tell me their relationship is perfect except for their inability to communicate. Perfect except for poor communication skills? Hmm, interesting, if not impossible I think to myself.

Most couples can relate to the issue of poor or non-existent communication skills in a relationship. I am sure you can too. So what to do? It is impossible to have an intimate and happy relationship if you do not have good communication skills. You might be surprised at what I am recommending for the first, and perhaps most important tip for obtaining these healthy relationship-essential communication skills.

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Matthew Asked:

“Hello my name is Matthew and I am 20 year old student. I meet this girl Nikita last year in the halls I now live in, she lives just above me. We had a love hate kind of friendship and would often tease each other a lot sometime a bit too much I must admit. And then last december from out of the blue she said that she liked me very much, and I felt very flattered. Things seemed to progress a bit more to the point that we spent a lot of time together. And then suddenly on December night we got very intimate. And since she is of Indian background their culture has certain norms. Like arranged marriage, no sex before marriage etc. etc. You guys probably know the drill. Then came christmas break and we did not see each other, and when second term started.

Somehow things just picked up. We ended up sleeping beside each other every night and continue to do so. We spend almost an unhealthy amount of time together. We do everything together. I have to admit I like it and I know she does too. Of course there have been some rough fights but I reckon that is part of entering a new stage and acclimatizing.

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Marcus Asked:

“Hi, well to make things short and detailed, i’ve met up with this girl ‘A’ not long ago which was introduced by my close friend ‘B’. A and B are childhood friends and they are very close with each other so they both practically share almost everything together. A seem’s like a nice, outgoing and friendly girl which not long after i falled for her. A asked me out a couple of times just to hang out in which certain times i rejected her offer but manage to replace it another day. A told B out of all the guy’s that’s chasing her, i’m currently the best candidate to be her boyfriend but for now she’s not ready yet and want’s to take things slow and as friends because she just gone through a break up like few months ago and she’s not ready for commitment yet. Henceforth we went to a date a couple of days before and the whole day was suppose to be planned out by me and giving her a surprise by not telling her where and what are we doing and going till she reaches the place and find out by herself. When the day end, she told B that she finally decides that i’m not her type for now because the surprise day was expected by her. A thought i would do something extraordinary but ended up she was dissapointed on the day. Didn’t ‘A’ wanted to take things slow and be friends? Why does she expect something more from me when i’m just being her friend now even thought i like her. My question is, why does she judge her feelings towards me by what surprises i give her? Isnt it suppose to be if a girl likes you, no matter what we do, they will still like you? I did bring her to a number of places that date and not just sticking to 1 spot all the while but she expected all those surprises to be the places that we went and ended up she wasnt really surprised. A told B that the places i brought her, she used to go there with her Ex-boyfriend too, and hence she was moody as the memories were recalled. Was it my fault? how was i suppose to know. Anyway what should i do? i don’t know whether should i continue chasing her or should i stop. ‘A’ never did tell me about me not being her type though, she just told ‘B’ and ‘B’ told me, so should i still continue and act like i don’t know anything? or should i give up on her and move on?”

- Marcus (21, SJ, Selangor, Malaysia)

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Manavi Asked:

“I have been in a long term relationship with my girlfriend for 3 years now. She is based in Michigan, US and I am in Melbourne Australia. I am working as a Business Analyst for the last 3 years and also on my Online marketing business which I started 6 months ago. She has just completed her PHD from Michigan. After applying for a lot of jobs she has finally managed to secure a role in a university in Corpus Christi. Now she wants me to move to Corpus Christi with her. She is aware there is no job prospect for me there. She wants me to move there and focus solely on my Online business and work from home. I am not making much with my Online business yet and like my professional career and to stay in it until I make a breakthrough in my business. Also Corpus Christi is not a nice place to live in and Melbourne is one of the best cities in the world. She doesn’t wants to move to Melbourne because of limited job prospects. What do i do? Breakup or move there? Even if I move to US and get a job in another state we will still be in a long distance relationship which is not desirable. Any advice?”

- Manavi (30, Melbourne Australia)

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“All is well, when we make it so.”
LoVe LuCy
Of all the situations and circumstances we have in our lives, we may, at times, feel a bit powerless.
We may, in some moments, feel that no matter how much we know in our hearts, that we create our life, through our thoughts, it seems we are not even sure what we are thinking.

Of this feeling of powerlessness, it is great to know that we carry the power, within us, of how to get it back!

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What would better sex mean to you? For many people, it means more sex, and that’s a good answer. The ubiquitious Dr. Mehmet Oz recommends that people resolve to have sex at least once or twice weekly–the more the better–for health reasons. You can read his column here.

His recommendation is good because there are health benefits to having sex. It gives your heart and lungs a workout, gets blood moving in your capillaries, and releases hormones that help you bond with a partner, among other benefits. An orgasm can even relieve some types of pain for up to 24 hours. Few people say they have sex for their health, though, and simply having more sex won’t be healthy if the sex is unsatisfying or worse.

To have better sex, consider these questions:

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I could have written about the top five or top ten problems couples face, but really, if you focus on not having one of the top three, you are doing great!!

Did someone say Sex?- Once you are well on your way to a long term relationship, sex or lack of it, may become an issue and cause you and your partner to have conflict.  Whether it’s the where, how, or when, sex trouble will rear its little head.  Inevitably the frequency will diminish.  Sure, the first year was filled with sex-capades of varying places, times, and fantasies.  Sure, she used to wear Vera Wang black lacy thongs and five inch “come fuck me heels”.  Now, you have to look at Uggs, half of the time.  Not that those can’t be sexy with the right skirt, but seriously, where are the heels?  He used to bring you flowers or surprise you in the middle of the day with sexy texts and tell you how much he couldn’t wait to come home and ravish you.  Now, your lucky if he puts down his blackberry long enough to even notice that you have been wearing Uggs every day.  Regardless of why your sex life isn’t where you want it, revamping or recreating your sex life will benefit the overall quality of your relationship.

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