You made it through your divorce, you’ve settled the custody issues, finally moved into a descent place, and the dust is settling. All of that took a long, hard nine months. Emotionally, it ended during the last year of your marriage. It wasn’t working for either of you but you tried to stay together for the kids, the convenience, and a few other reasons. Now what?
Focus on you – Take care of you and give yourself a little TLC; it doesn’t mean you don’t care about your children, your parents/family, or friends. Men and women pamper themselves differently and whatever feels good to you, do it. Ladies, if you haven’t had a manicure, pedicure, or spa-treatment in awhile, treat yourself. Even if money is a little tight, stop spending four dollars a day on that super tall skinny latte you buy each morning on your way to work. Or what about that yoga you used to do before you got pregnant? And guys, how about getting back to pumping that iron you love to do or swinging that club out on the back nine? Do it. Find a way to get back a little of you that used to mean so much to you. Sometimes it is easy to forget about the “me factor” with the distractions and stresses we are all exposed to on a daily level and getting in some “me” time may just keep you a little more sane. Relieving some stress will help you have better relations with those around you and help get your head on right to re-enter the dating world.
Traditional psychology thinks of functional families as lacking conflict. A traditional psychologist might label familial strife as dysfunctional but evolution actually predicts- if not demands- a certain level of conflict within families. Every individual in a family has her or his own reproductive interests that have to interact with the reproductive interests of everyone else. A child that helps raise a younger sibling may be passing on part of her or his genes at the expense of being able to mate and pass on the whole package.
My brother Eddie and I are thick as thieves and have been known occasionally to vie for the same lady’s attention. We grew up in a small military town in Georgia, he was the first family member I came out too and it created some very interesting adventures. Eddie has always been a big part of my life, it is a special bond we share, there are no words to explain it. He has stood beside me as best man at 2 of my weddings to women. Yes, I have occasionally found love, but usually find that it is an illusion that never seems to stand the test of time.
Gloria and Corey agreed that their wedding would not be a Hollywood spectacular. They would invite only those friends and relatives with whom they had enjoyed a significant relationship. Through a process of elimination they reduced the guest list to 200 people. Since Gloria’s mother, Estelle, was not wealthy, Corey very generously offered to cover a sizable portion of the cost. This act of generosity endeared him even more to his future wife and mother-in-law.
After a while, things went back to normal. Nico and I were good friends, trying to avoid the issue of sex altogether, but it was difficult. After the two of us figured out that we had much in common, we decided to spend much time together just as friends.
The time comes when you realize that no mater what, you really need to end your relationship.
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