“It doesn’t matter how clearly we speak our minds, if we are not speaking the same language.” by Lucy Smiles

We live our lives, with many people, and many diverse backgrounds from these people, whether cultural, behavioral exposures from our childhood, family structure, financial status.

You name it.

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I am 35 and never been married. Granted I look and act like I am in my 20’s! (ego stroke, ahh feels good..) I once heard that if a man makes it to the age of 30 without being married he is either really intelligent or very unattractive. I like to lean towards the first one! but being single is great! well I’m kinda single. I think after the age of 30 you feel single even if you are dating. Girlfriend/boyfriend? Well, they are like buses and there is always another coming. The truth is I am dating someone in Japan. I don’t think the long distance is a good idea but she makes it work and I am afraid of her.

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A few very profound circumstance has made me rethink what I think about, and why.  We all have these moments, where we sit back, and have the “Ah Ha” moment. The epiphany of “Things have to shift”, as our awareness comes into play and we can no longer hide behind the truth.

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Andrew Asked:

“I’m committed to a serious long distance relationship, I’ve been doing some research, but need more advice. WE use skype everyday, and I write her poetry everyday, but I don’t know what to do to make it work. Any advice?”

- Andrew

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Have you ever met a girl/guy who wants to know everything about you? I mean everything. How many lovers you’ve had, what you’re feeling and thinking about all of the time, or what is your most embarrassing moment? It can be a bit overwhelming, especially if you have your own issues with “your stuff”. There are things that you can share and things you should just keep to yourself.

Don’t ask, don’t tell. This can be a great piece of advice. If you want to avoid your partner (whether you’re married, dating, exclusive, etc) asking you things that you don’t want them to ask, don’t ask them questions!! For example, if you have been dating for three months and things are moving along great, why would you want to ask him/her how many people they have had sex with; is there a point? Because you know they will turn around and ask you the same thing. Do not ask them questions you are not prepare to answer in return.

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“Loving is living though forgiving, and kindly kicking our inner gremlins to the curb!”
by Lucy Smiles

In my own life, so I can only speak for myself; I notice that just when I am happily accepting love in its purest form, I have my gremlins patiently waiting for this very vulnerable emotion, and jumping on a chance to make me change my mind’s choice to let love in.

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Doug Asked:

“I have been going out to the bars a lot lately. I don’t have a problem approaching any girls and many times I can get their numbers too. My problem is when I call them they either don’t return my calls or tell me that they are busy at the time that they will call back later. Of course, I never get a call back from them. I’m just curious that why girls would give out their numbers and pretend they were interested at the time but don’t want to go out on a date with me? I have heard my friends telling me that it’s because they didn’t really like me and they were just being nice at the time or they like to play their games. I’m really confused. Can someone please help me with this? thanks!!”

- Doug

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At the time, my car was a beat down 1979 Chevy Blazer, that ran when it felt like it, but at least my legs weren’t walking. What is that our parents always say “A beat up ride, beats a long walk anytime.” The steering wheel wasn’t in alignment and the seat was broken, which made it seem as though I was “pimpin.” The highlight of the truck was the 8-track player that had Jeffrey Osborne and LTD in the deck. As long as the radio worked, it was on time.

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Knowing when to call it quits in love is difficult – in fact, it can feel downright impossible. The truth is, however, that sometimes men and women make it more difficult and confusing than it needs to be. Understand that overthinking anything can make a decision more complex. In this way, you can actually run interference in your own life. It’s a good rule of thumb to remind yourself that you should never get in your OWN way in making a decision. You should simply use your judgment and make the best decision possible.

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As a norm, women typically mature at an earlier age than men and therefore usually marry a man who is a few years older. In the early 1800’s, men were often 10 to 12 years older than the women. Today the average difference is 3.5 years. Some follow “the formula” that a woman should be one-half the man’s age plus seven years. But once the man is 70, he is dating someone 42. That can work for awhile; my buddy Billy did that and it worked for about five years. Others believe that the upper limit should be ten years to at least stay within a cultural generation thus growing up with the same music, events, trends, and developments.

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